I'm a mess

When it comes to things and keeping track of things, I suck. When I was young I was always loosing my shoes or what ever.

On a side note. There are 30 or so of these cute rodent looking critters in the field across from where I am sitting. One just sat up on it's hind legs and cried out.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, I suck. Some time ago, for the second time this year I lost my credit card. I may have lost it up to a month ago since that was the last time I actually used it. The out come of all this is that I didn't have the money I so desperately begged for at the time I needed it. I Called Wachovia and they air mailed another card to me, a waste of $16. Today I had to ride to BCMT to pay my bill. I got on the bus and found out that it was a special bus. Not the kind I rode in elementary school, the $3.00 kind. I only had 1.25 which I was told was the cost of the bus. The driver was very nice and she took me for free, but while talking with her my phone fell out of my pocket. I'm wearing these darned (did I tell you Jaz made me stop using profanity?) Thai pants. They only hold things in the pockets in Thailand. Magic I guess. I think a Button is in order.

So I was waiting across from the vermin field to see if the driver would come back around on the same route. She didn't. The man who came instead gave me a bus slip with transfers because it had the Boulder Bus number on it. I was able to use this pass to run all of my chores for the day. In total I used 5 buses for zero dollars and zero cents. This doesn't in itself make up for, in either the emotional or monetary senses, for what I deal with because of my ineptness with things, but it makes me think. I was thinking about it as I walked towards the salvation army to buy the sheets I need for school. As I sat in front of a Panera Bread eating from their garbage I looked toward the mountains and contemplated my existence. I thought about my strengths and weaknesses. I thought about types of things and specific things. Take food for example. Food breaks down simply into a few types. Starch foods, protein foods, green foods, fruit foods, dairy foods, and junk foods. All of these fit also into the categories of my food, not my food, and waste food. The waste food is like no mans land. By throwing it away one is saying it's not theirs, but the stigma of digging it out of the garbage clearly says that it is not mine. Speaking of social mores, I don't care much about them. Years of not fitting in has desensitized me. Jaz is very uncomfortable pulling garbage in front of people. It doesn't bother me one bit. I guess it comes from perspective. I could also classify people broadly as people that matter and people that don't. The people that "don't matter" do matter in that they matter to themselves and I wouldn't want to hurt them, and of course they effect me indirectly but most people don't matter. If they see me eating out of a garbage can it wont change anything. Sometimes they will turn into someone who will matter but odds are they won't be able to see past my clothing. I wear my hippy cloths when I don't want anyone to see me. Most of the people who matter won't care anyway. Back to the stuff stuff. It floats in and out of my life without care. I get stuff for free or super cheap and then it disappears or I give it away. Most things in the world are pretty interchangeable. If I eat one kind of green food or another it's pretty much the same, one shirt or another, etc. In our world you need to have particular things. I don't do well with particulars. I will need to get better at that.