These days.

How often does your mind rest

in silence? Do you feel your

body? Do you know that

everything is OK

Aloneness

Dose a tree feel alone?

With it's roots in the earth

Maitri

I have so many friends I have never met

or may never meet again

Friendliness is my friend.

From one day to the next I am countless beings

In one moment as well.

I make friends within myself

and even they come and go

as I come and go.

Memories

Look were everyone else has and see something inspiring, and unique as

the individual who has paused a moment to realize that when observing

a tree, or a rock, we see, in our minds eye, only what we want to see,

or what we have been told is there, and if we could look beyond

the apparent reality we create, we might catch, if only for a moment,

a glimpse of the true face of god.

I was looking through my old poems. Wow. Memories. I wish I had all of my old poetry but only some of them survived. Mostly from my depressive times and my drug times. After I sobered up and I was studying Sufism I destroyed them all. Merrin had saved some, that one was from highschool.

pride.

Imagine a sea lion, on a rock.

He looks something like a potato.

Now imagine 10 of them on the rock,

relaxing.

One guy crawls out of the water and starts barking at the others.

Pushing them around, letting everyone know who is boss.

ROAR ROA...

Like a big ferocious potato.

The mind is like water.

You have heard that the mind is like water?

Wavy, reflecting distorted images.

The "actual" stuff always ends up falling in

like bits of truth (90% hidden)

melting slowly away.

Anatma

Anatma - The rock is as much a self as I.

I drew the face on the rock.

Who drew the face on me?

After glaicers carved this island,

for ages water pounded the beach.

Charcoal, from where? washed ashore.

I landed, was advised but wondered.

The sound of waves and a sea breeze.

I saw the rock and smiled.

Duhkha

Duhkha

To live we need thorns.

With tough skin on strong hands we take what we deserve,

Hunger and thirst consume us - we feel - so restless.

Our soft hearts locked away in a cage

to beat alone...

for a little while.

Whale watchin' rap.

I spend my days in resurrection bay searching for whales an' watchin' porpoise play.

I may be over worked. I may be under paid, and customers complain if the boats delayed,

But the expanse of sky is to expansive for the I.

It brings me comfort and ease and leaves my mind at peace.

Ridein' waves and up along the cliffs Puffins nestin' lookin' mighty spiff.

Peering down and out from 'mong trees Eagles restin' lookin' for some fish.

The sounds of gulls and the ocean rolls, the wind and the rain - I love.

All things I see they come from the sea and share in the life that flows in you and me.

I could go on, another verse to the song, another cycle in the cipher could not be so wrong.

Every single day while were on our way I see another seal and wonder what is real.

Form is emptiness and yet you can hear. We create with our minds - theres nothing to fear.

Come play with me if you like to be free. I rest in the present cause the end is always near.

Man Overboard!

Man Overboard!

There once was a man on a boat.

If he fell over 'twud sure be no joke.

But he should be not scared,

for we were prepared,

By 'Ol Captain Chris - that jolly old bloke.

APAD

Karma

The mountains are white.

I can't understand this life

or flowers in bloom.

Alaska!

I am sitting in my apartment in Seward, AK. The apartment is provided (for a small cost) by KFT (Kenai Fjords Tours) the company that I am working for. I have been here for about a week now and I am enjoying it.

A day in the life:
I wake up, stretch and massage myself for about an hour, and eat oats which Bob makes every morning. Then I read until time to leave for work. It's about 5 minutes from door to door by bike. Once I get to work I look at the "ouija board", the ever changing chart of destiny. Then someone tells me that I am late and tries to explain how I should have known to be there at X time and I tell them what I was told the day before and they tell me not to worry about it that everything is in a state of chaos and turmoil right now. I've gathered from the regulars that it only gets more chaotic as the summer goes on. I don't mind. I get to the boat and after a walking talk around the boat I usually start cleaning something. Then I start making chicken wraps. Then I greet people onto the boat. "Welcome aboard, watch your step." Of course I have fun with this part. There is something 1/3 annoying, 1/3 fun, and 1/3 strange about having basically the same interaction with 100+ people in 5 minutes. Every one out of 10 people or so is remarkable in some way and I am sure to make a remark to those people, relationships begin. After I do the life vest demo... Oh wait, it's not a life vest, in no way should the name of the vest suggest that it will save your life. It is a personal flotation device, it insures that you will float. After the PFD demo we pass out lunch. Then we stop to look at something, usually doll porpoise. I like to hang out on the upper back deck usually. I watch people watch the critters, I also watch the critters. I am not to excited about the porpoise and whales though. What I love is the landscape. It's amazing, and framed by the water and sky... We ask people to be seated and take off again. Then people start getting sick, one or two, they will be sick for the rest of the trip. Then we stop again, maybe a whale? More sick people and the first ones have puked by now. If I am lucky no one pukes on the carpet, an average day they will only get it on the outer deck. Cleaning the outer deck is not so hard, but time consuming and silly. We use a gallon of water and we pour it onto the deck bucket after bucket until we wash it all away. There has to be a better way. After I walk around and pick up trash from lunch, my job is pretty much just puke detail for the next two hours. Unless we go to a glacier the day continues like this until it's cookie time. If we go to the glacier and I have time I may walk around with some glacier ice and chat with people, take their pictures with the ice and what ever. If it is busy we just set it down for them to look at if they want. Cookie time is great, for about 30 minutes the entire boat smells like cookies, even outside when we are cruising at top speed. After cookies we dock, "don't lose a finger", and clean the boat.

That's pretty much it. It's usually rainy and cold, which I am well prepared for. Most of our guests are pretty cool, some times we have some pretty grumpy ones though. I don't mind. One of the guys say's that he like the grumpy ones because he thinks there funny. They are funny sometimes but mostly they hardly even register on my affective scale. One, or even a few people, who I will only know for a few hours aren't worth much energy unless it's positive energy. I am just happy that I don't have to go home and be them. I guess I am perfect for customer service in this way. If anything I feel sorry for those miserable people. We had one woman who wanted her money back before we even left the dock! If there is one supper grumpy on every other tour there are 3 or 4 super fun people on each tour. Yesterday there was a little old woman who after getting sick and puking straight away felt great the rest of the trip. She was so positive in a kind of unassuming farm girl kind of way. I let her use my mitts so that she could stay outside more, she spent almost the whole trip outside in the cold wind. From now on I am bringing a bag with extra gloves, a scarf, and a rain jacket. I will get a hat for it too.

The company is pretty cool. The housing is awesome for the price, they gave some of us free bikes, they are pretty chill in the office, most everybody is jovial, our uniform is of a high quality and though some people don't like the style I think I look pretty sharp in it. We get discounts all over town. It's a small town. We have a grocery, a hardware store, a discount store, two coffee shops, few restaurants, and a ton of inns. From any point in town you can look to the mountains and be in awe at the beauty. The nearest big town is Anchorage, the largest city in Alaska. It is about the size of Naples FL. It's a cool town though it seems. It has a strong Go club, exctatic dance, swing dance, and who knows what else... I only know about these things through the internet. We only got to spend a day in Anchorage. We went to a few thrift stores a nice cafe. Met some nice people through couch surfing who invited us to a sauna. It was divine. If now was a week ago I would write about the nice people, the beautiful sauna house that they made and sell and maybe some thing I learned about the native or swiss traditions and... whatever... I am tired now and I need to wake up early to practice before work at 8am. :)

Good night. :D

Here are some pictures :D
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=420502&id=695860537&l=58066473db Canada.
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=420521&id=695860537&l=4171216255 Alaska.

Canada!

We left Fargo on Monday and it is now Friday.
Where did the time go? Driving.
Bob does most of the driving. At first I just sat in the passenger seat either meditating, talking or sight seeing, but after so many days of constant driving sitting like that wrecks the body. Not like long hours of sitting cross legged wrecks the body... That causes pain for sure, maybe more pain, or maybe it's just the lack of distraction that makes it so intense. Sitting on a cushion with a straight back hurts, but it leaves me feeling strong. Sitting in a car makes me stiff and it is difficult to breath fully. I am used to long car rides so I already knew what to expect, but this is the longest, most prolonged trip. We drive all day with few stops and well into the night, or all night. This is not the way we planned it. At first I was upset. Both Bob and I had rough a rough day on tuesday into wendsday night. We drove all through the night, it was only my second time driving and I only drove for about 4 hours. In the morning, we were both feeling much better as if we defeated an enemy in the night. I have thought many times on how much I learned in relationship with Jaz. Most importantly right now is how to be patient, to remember that Bob does not want to hurt me, that he would try with all his effort not to hurt me and that he is also uncomfortable. So far we have not had any interpersonal problems. Occasionally Bob will speak in an aggravated way but, impressively, he has not projected that on me much at all. I think I am pretty much in the same boat. I get grumpy but I know that it is just being uncomfortable. We have also tiddyed up the back of the van so it is easier to go in the back to move a little or lay down on the seat to rest.

Now I am sitting in the passenger seat looking at the Canadian Rockies. The grasses and shrubs here are astounding. There are patches of snow in the mountains around us. The sun is warm through the front window as we drive west. The sun will be in our eyes for hours. Though the sun does go down this time of year it doesn't get dark.

Last night we stopped at Liard hot springs. We pulled in around 11pm and sauntered on down the boardwalk, through the marsh, to the springs. The sun had just gone down but you could still see clearly, like a clear full moon night. The springs were perfect. Bob was teasing me and I was worried that they would be luke warm or even a little cold. It was my first time to hot springs! I am never going to pass up the chance to go to hot springs again! After an hour or so of soaking, sitting under the water fall, and chatting we were exhausted. I crashed out in some bushes and slept like a baby for a full 6 hours. Bob had set his alarm but thankfully he slept through it. Bob requires less sleep then I do. He gets sullen when he is tired or a little crabby but it doesn't seem to bother him much. Not waking up on time means that we may end up driving through the night again to land in Alaska before morning. Either way we were in for a “nighttime” boarder crossing. Let's hope the American guards are more lax then the Canadian.

We left Fargo fairly late in the day. We only got most of the way out for North Dakota by the time we stopped for the night. We pulled into a small truckstop in the middle of nowhere. There was a nice patch of trees to sleep in and I woke to rain on my face. I woke Bob and we prepared to go. The van didn't start. After some diagnosis Bob decided that it was the starter and we needed to get pulled to start up and that if we didn't let the engine get cold we wouldn't have this problem anymore. This meant not stopping for more then an hour or two at a time. We got someone to pull us around and Bob discovered something wrong with the throttle cable. He fixed that and the second pull started us up. Unfortunately Bob stalled the van immediately... Karma neh? We had an easy time of getting help to that point but now no one was there to help. I wrote a blog post as Bob walked around and solicited help. I felt sorry for him. It has been difficult for me but I have no strong attachments here. Bob has so much invested. I could hitch off at any time and probably beat him to Alaska. This I learned from Jaz, “I didn't come on this trip to be comfortable, I am here because I love you.” I had to much attachment and aversion with Jaz to live that truth fully, but I saw it fully.

We did make it away and into Canada. We were stopped and interviewed at the border. The van was searched lightly. If they were looking for drugs, which we did not have, they would not have found them. The officer in charge was pretty cute. When we walked into the office I was startled to see her. Something about the uniform, the bullet proof vest obscured her form but attracted me none the less. Well, she let us into Canada mentioning our low funds and old vehicle. I am happy I exaggerated how much I have in the bank a little.

Right inside the boarder there are a bunch of oil refineries and strip mines. It seems that as they dig instead of making one big pile they make lots of small piles. It looks really cool imagined myself walking around in them little hills. “There like scale model mountains!” I exclaimed. “With GAINT trees” Bob laughed. That was the joyful beginning of the hard day I mentioned before.

I woke up the next morning after a 3 hour nap in the back of the van feeling like I had the best sleep of my life. Bob replayed the Radio Lab episodes that I had missed while I slept and we had great conversation. Towards the late afternoon we arrived in Edmonton. We asked the first guy who walked by where a good coffee shop was and he directed us towards The Carrot. They where closed so we made a few failed attempts to find some food. Compactors everywhere. We made our way back to The Carrot. When we came to the door the girl there asked if we were working? We said we wern't and she said they were still closed. Her comrade had not arrived yet and she was not allowed to let anyone in until they were both there. I kept talking to her and she gave up, her boyfriend was there and she rationalized that that would be good enough. It turns out that we were in the shady part of Canada. I did see a few crackheads, but I would never have thought that it would be considered dangerous. She agreed, but said that many of her friends were afraid to go to that part of town. Interesting. The Carrot, as it turns out, is a volunteer run coffee shop. Our new friends, whom I don't remember their names due to my high degree of sleep deprivation at the time, had never met the person who was to be coming for work that day. After checking in with the world of internet Barista, Bob and I settled in for a game of Settlers of Catan. It was Baristas idea and she won. Bob and I were only half there, Bob less so then myself. We left shortly after the game, with 3 new friends and refreshed from social stimulus.

Back on the road, for the first time, I felt unsafe with Bob's driving. We filled up on gas and were delayed by Bob's card not working. A quick call to his mom had the whole thing straightened away in no time. I could just imagine her screaming at some poor soul for shutting off the card. If you are a tele-support person she is the terror that lurks on the other side of the phone.

It was my turn to drive and I drove a good distance before pulling over to nap. I remember when I was 18 working in construction and driving to Sarasota on the weekends to party. I would get 4-6 hours of sleep those weekends and drive 4 hours home. I only had to learn my lesson once, and luckily it was not a hard lesson. I nodded off and woke up to the sound of gravel flinging up under the tires, twice, then on the third time I had left the road! I swerved back on the road hard and lost traction on my back tires and fishtailed all over the road for what seemed to be an eternity. I remember clearly the drastic change in alertness I drove the next hour fully awake. Curiously, right about the time I was starting to feel safe, just before getting home I began to feel sleepy again. Anyway, I decided not to do that again.

We were getting into the boonies. Near the border Canada is just like the northern USA. Well I guess it's pretty much like the USA all over so far. Little difference like Kilometers instead of miles, blinking green arrows, little things ey.

It's now past midnight and the sky and mountains are incredible.

Chicago to Fargo!

Neither Bob nor I remember that first night after Chicago. I think we both slept in the van. Bob has a hammock that he hangs and I usually sleep in the bushes.
OH! I REMEMBER!
We were at a rest area. I forgot to mention that before leaving Chicago we found over 20 pounds of avocados on our way out of Chicago! After cutting away the bad parts we still about 10 pounds of Guacamole! We pulled out the jar of salsa that Bob's mom gave him and some chips and ate Guac all day. It was all I ate that day, Guac, Chipolte salsa, chips and slightly stale bread. It was glorious! In the evening we stopped at a rest area to streach and play. We set up Bob's new slack line for the first time. It was great, I was not excited about getting back in the van. As we were readying ourselves we noted a faint persistent smell of dog shit. We checked our selves well, but I was still fairly certain it was on me. It turns out that it wasn't, just that the entire area smelled of it, ambiently. Just before taking off a prostitute showed up with her John and we found a drip under the Van. We fretted for quite a while before deciding that the drip spot was not from us and that we must have parked on top of the leak without noticing it. It was only a few hours later, I was just falling asleep in the passenger seat when Bob pulled over to rest. He got out to strech and smelled the diesel from the cracked fuel line. The same fuel line we just replaced. We GPS'ed a hardwear store and cautiously drove to it. I was not in the mood to scout a hidden campsite in down town BFE so I laid out in an open lot and went to sleep.

I was awoken the next morning by a drunken indian. “You OK man?”. “Yeah.” “You old enough to drink?” “Yeah.” “Will you go buy me something from the liquor store?” “What? Your not old enough to drink?” He obviously was, maybe in his late 50's or maybe just a hard 40. We got to know this old drunk well. His name was Jude and he had hitched in to town to go to court, a day to soon.

This just in LIVE from the road Quote of the day. “Daniel:I wonder what that is? Bob:Chuch, that's my guess... Maybe a movie theater.”

Bob had got some epoxy and tried to patch the small crack in the line. We would have to wait 6-8 hours so as Bob napped I walked around town, listening to music and playing with my energetic field and currents, spinning and spiralling, jumping, jolting, and throwing the flowing sense of potential to the beat of Mat and Kim. I walked around town, met some nice people and found a river to read by. When the sun started to come down Bob and I played a game of Go and I put up a blog post.

I slept that night in a well hidden alleyway and woke up to rain on my face. I ran in the early morning to the van and slept the rest of the day away. I was looking forward to another nice day in Mahnomen, MN but the next two days it just rained... Bob and I slept a lot, making up for the lack of sleep on the road, and played go in the library and the Casino. The Casino is huge, well, it's not that big really, but it's bigger then the downtown itself so it Seems huge, in context. The second night Jude and his friend Greg drunkenly came by the van and tried to impose their hospitality on us. We agreed to come over to dinner the next night and had a surprisingly nice time along with a nice simple meal and a shower. I slept the last night in a storage room of an abandoned house that had a small leak in the roof so I set my tarp above me. Much to my dismay my tarp, which I used for almost every night for 6 months and sporadically for the rest of last year was... Suprise, suprise... Worn out. I am happy that I chose to sleep in the room. If I slept only with that tarp I would have been soaked through. Bob had been trying to get a hold of his parts dealer to no avail and very dramatically at the last moment before Bob spent all of his extra money on the part and spare from a dealership, he called. Bob had literally just picked up my phone to make the call. We were shouting from joy in the library. The librarian was happy for us and didn't scold us. She was a substitute librarian. The regular librarian, Lois, was on strike after her boss had been ever so disrespectful. We liked Lois. When I first went to the Library I noticed that she offered Coffee so we brought some coffee to donate. Lois is on Couch Surfing.com so if you are passing through you should look her up.

We had the brilliant idea to tow the van to Fargo, ND both to get the parts a day earlier and to get out of Mahnomen.

Owen offered us his couch in a large house with 4 roommates. It was cold when we arrived so as Bob finished up with the tow and got the van in the driveway I went to the house. A very gay man opened the door. My gaydar is not that good but the look he gave me was unmistakable. I smiled knowingly and came in. Two more very gay men were waiting inside. After some chit chat Bob and I started cooking dinner then settled in to watch the Amazing Boosh or something like that. It was hilarious and after a few hours of laughing with the guys and side conversation I felt perfectly at home. The party was starting up so Bob went out to the van to sleep and since I knew I would not be sleeping for quite some time I asked Andrew to make me a drink... The party was pretty great. Andrew and I played Go in the smoking room as drunkards wandered about. Andrew had tried to learn go before so he picked up the basic lessons quickly. I was sitting on the arm of a chair and and Owen sat in the chair and though I moved my legs out of his way he put them on his lap. I moved them again and he moved them again. I thought for a moment and checked in with my feelings, laughed at him and relaxed. Before long I was happy that Owen was there. All of a sudden I was in the center of the party. People would come to pay their respects to Owen and I appreciated his way with them. He was as Bob noted a natural born Concierge. And the few cute girls in the party who had been ignoring me, as I had been them, came to find out who I was. I never understood homophobia. First of all, if you are in a mixed room say 8 dudes, 12 gay guys, 4 cute girls 3 other girls your odds of getting laid are good. Most of the guys are not in competition, and if they like you they can do a lot to help you. Secondly, I guess the worry is that they will hit on you. Two things here: first of all you can feel flattered, and secondly it is good to see how much men objectify sex. I think that from spending time with gay men I can understand how a woman feels when I want to have sex with her and she doesn't feel that way towards me. I feel like I may have written this before but it this has made such a profound impact on me. Anyway, back at the party, all of a sudden the lights go off and everyone is screaming. A few minutes later the lights come back on, and off and on, off, on, off and on. I found out later that someone had stolen the fuses. This was probably to avoid attention while they were stealing Owens laptop and a 3ft statue of the Eiffel Tower and my jacket, with $40 in the pocket.

The next day we met with Molly, another couch surfer, for coffee. The Raven is a typical used bookstore/ coffee shop. We went to the only health food store in Fargo's dumpster. And as we walked back home Molly picked up pigeon feathers for her hair. We made a great lunch and while Molly went home Bob, Andrew, and I played games. Molly came back with her roommate Mary. There was a game of scrabble as I danced. After the game Mary danced with me and I ended up crawling up on her shoulders. You can see the pictures on facebook. She is a small girl with a big fro. It was a great scene.

The next day we went to Space Aliens Bar and Grill. Wow. One of Andrew friends recognized Owen and gave us a bunch of coins for the arcade. When we got home it was raining. Unfortunately canceling my biking plans with Molly. We all sat around and causally watched “The story of O” as we did other things. I hoped that Molly and Mary would come over but they never did. I have, for the most part, stopped masturbating. I had not noticed much effect until this day, both Moly and Mary are really cute. When I gave a massage to Molly the night before I felt very erotic which is not unusual for a causal massage at a party setting. The strange part was how often I thought about her the next day. I felt sad that she didn't call and I wanted to call her. A few weeks ago I would have called without any thought. What could be the problem? If she is attracted to me then 'fireworks' and if not then we enjoy ourselves in other ways. So why didn't I call? As I see it there are three kinds of fasts. One, DON'T DO IT. Two, only do it in a particular way. Three, don't do it or not do it. The third kind is the most tricky. What is doing and not doing? Who is doing and where does the doing come from? What does this have to do with sex? If I am arrested with ambivalence then I can watch without intentional action. I can watch habitual action and habitual responses to desire. Anyway, she didn't call. We took off the next day, I was feeling a little sad, “it's hormonal” I told Bob. One of the reasons why I am exploring my sexuality in this new way is because of how much I associate my sexuality with self worth. It makes sense in a way and it seems very common, but not all pervasive. What are the conditions of that? I want to be happy and if I should look into this. I practiced vippasana and contemplated my experience and cheered up. There was nothing to be done. May as well be happy.

Chicago!

I couldn't really say that I was disappointed with breaking down in Chicago. The plan was to spend two days in Chicago and shoot over to Boulder, CO. I would have loved to stay a week. it looked like we would be there for 4 days. I have never been a fan of weekend visits to places I have never been. . I was disappointed that we would no longer have time for Boulder though. Every time I have to rush around for some reason I say that I will never do it again, that life is to important to hurry, but at the same time I don't have the foresight to avoid it it seems.

It took about 20 minutes to drive to Tristan's. The only notable event was driving by a chocolate factory. Oh My God. It was Divine. The most delicious smell of brownies that completely overwhelmed the smell of diesel in a half mile radius.

At Tristan's we met with Scott, Megan, and Dylan and shared pleasant and stimulating conversation over a pipe and a case of beer. In the dark. Dylan had forgotten to pay the electric bill. It reminded me of when Crystal and I decided that we were not going to use electric lights at night. I find candle light to be nice and though I don't think my night vision is better then average I feel very comfortable from camping so much. I remember, while living at the Hostel in the Forest, how I would often lead people down trails at night. I could not see much but I learned to trust my feet and look between objects instead of at them. After Bob went to sleep Tristan and played a game of go. Tristan was my primary go teacher and is still one of my favorite opponents. We always play long games. We played with a 3 stone handicap and I won. Tristan talks to himself while he plays, and for the first time my reading was good enough to understand what he was talking about and to talk with him. I was very proud.

I woke the next morning with a call from Bob hurrying me down to the coffee shop. I don't remember what was so important, nothing perhaps, but I didn't take the time to enjoy waking up. The coffee shop was remarkably pleasant. The owner had a more then friendly disposition and I felt more then at home. Tristan and I started another game of go, and played until lunch time. We stopped at the apex of the game. Tristan had just made an annoyingly good move, my position that I was so happy with was then thrown into a quiet chaos. I would have to start a large fight in order to win. Go is like life, sometimes, after all of your effort, when you think that surely you have come to your stride, your starter doesn't work any more.. In go, it can be said that you don't play against your opponent. That's why we have handicaps. When my opponent makes a good move I can be happy for him, although sometimes I am to disappointed in myself to share in that happiness. Every move in go should have many purposes. Tristan's move did. First I had to respond to an immediate threat, which I did. Next I had to consider my lost territory. I might have had enough to win... But he could pick at me for the rest of the game taking 3 pts here and 1 point there... I would lose for sure. I needed to find something big. I had two options and I couldn't read either one out. I tried for the one that, if I failed I would not lose as much. Sometimes optimism is nothing more then waiting for the unknown. Maybe, like in the last game, he would misread something that I could read well? After my first attempt failed my second ended in total disaster. The conclusion of the game waited for the evening, we were to meet Scott, and Emily for Lunch. In the end I failed to read a self atari and had to resign
But lunch was great!
Hot Doug's is a hot dog stand with a gourmet twist. Bob was interested only in the duck fat fries, the rest of us got one of the specials. We each cut off bites to share and Hot Damn! Hot Doug's is surely some of the best, most original food in the country.

After lunch we went back to Scott's to talk and when Emily left for work we went for a stroll downtown. Scott is a natural born tour guide. For hours we walked and for hours he talked. We went to many of his favorite spots, my favorite being “the bean” It's a big bean shaped mirror thingy. We played there for a while and watched people before I got the idea to do acrobatics with it, playing with my reflection. There was a photographer from Istanbul who took pictures, she said that she could send them to me when she returns home in June. Aside from the bean there was much freeganing which Scott enjoyed as much as Bob and I. The day ended at a birthday bar crawl. I really just wanted to dance, but the only place that our friends knew of was a hipster hotspot with less dancing then meat marketing. Meh. Now, it may seem odd to those of you who met me within the past 3 years, but to those who have known me for longer can understand that the rampant sexuality of the past few years was not “normal” for me. Now my exploratory interests are more creative, and though I enjoyed the past few years immensely I am not going to be pursuing sex for the sake of sex anymore.

Highlights from the rest of the trip include meeting a crusty punk who was casually looking for a ride and going to a Gamelon. The gamalon was everything I could have asked for and more and the the punk was fully Crusty. Anybody who remembers how much I smelled when I was 18 has some idea. I am sorry for that by the way. We picked her up while we were dumpster diving. After many false starts we finally found a good dumpster and got 2 full boxes of assorted foods. The best were the raspberries and cheeses, more practically were all the eggs, onions, potatoes and tomatoes. We through Jamie in the shower and fed her at Scott's house but she still smelled something feirce. The funniest was when we were talking about looking pitiful being really useful for getting people to help you. I said I used to carry a pitiful looking change of cloths for just that purpose but have now changed that to a clean change of cloths. She said that she doesn't look pitiful on purpose... Bob and I exchanged a knowing glance. 'that means you are pitiful'. I felt sad for her, I thought of the Tao Te Ching. I wanted to give her tips on how to travel more comfortably but she has been traveling for almost as long as I have and she is committed to her scene. Better not come off as condescending. After listening to her stories (all a little negative) and smelling her for long enough we decided it was time to go home. I asked Bob to lie to her about getting an offer from someone with gas money so that we wouldn't hurt her feelings but when I realized that in order to leave her with food we would have to let her know that we were not going to be picking her up in the morning. I told her as kindly as possible. She had mentioned more then once that she kind of wanted to stay in Chicago so I did not feel at all guilty.

The next day I played Tristan an even game in go. I was fairly confident because I have a fair board sense and I had thought much about his strengths and weaknesses and thought that I could open in a way that would put me at an advantage. I won or lost by Komi, meaning that if we considered it an even game then he won but if my handicap was not giving him a point advantage for playing second then I would have won. I was thrilled.
After the game we headed off for Seattle, WA.
We drove almost through Wisconsin before we stopped to sleep.