Life is precious. Handle with care.

I had an older German friend at the Himalayan Institute who was among other things a photographer. Just before I left she gave her friends there a CD of her pictures and on it it said "Life is precious. Handle with care."

I realized that everything in this world is impermanent when I was pretty young. It helped shield me from some of the harsh realities of life that I also saw at a fairly young age. I thought to myself that only I could shelter myself. I think that both of these things are fundamental truths in some sense but I didn't understand all of their implications at the time. I didn't understand how interconnected everything is.

Jaz never really settled into life here in Boulder. She was growing more and more unhappy almost daily. She was always happier in the woods then in the city. I told her 2 days ago that I thought that she should go to visit her parents so that when Halloween rolls around and she is flown in and out of NYC for a documentary she will be able to go anywhere already having fulfilled family obligations. Then I walked to the Shambala Center to listen to a Lama give a talk on love. It was very difficult to tell her to leave. By the time I got home she had bought a plane ticket. I was sad, she was sad. She was ignoring me. I couldn't concentrate on my studies, wasn't yet sleepy, to cold to stand out side and talk for long (I called Merrin) and had nothing else to do... So I sat in the room and watched her, and my mind. At what seemed to be the most appropriate time I finally spoke. I didn't want her to leave upset with me, and I needed to say a few things myself. After a few minutes we had agreed that her leaving was the best thing and she might come back if we are both able to resolve a few issues.

I am at school now. I am loving the classes today. We had movement and kinesiology and anatomy and physiology comes next. The kids are starting to loosen up a bit. I am forming a few friendships.

After class before bed: I feel a kind of stress I have never felt before... I am feeling behind with everything, just slightly behind. I am not worried about it. After a week or two I am sure I will settle into a new rhythm. One blessing is Theo. She has a science brain, we will be studying together allot I hope.

No time to write. Sleepy time.

If I can remember how precious this passing stressful moment is then I will be very pleased with myself.