My last night in Chiang Mai is a night I will surely remember for the rest of my life. First I packed my bags. I have a family of great packers. My brothers have minds for organization and have helped my mom, sister and I move so many times when we were young. Holt especially took pride in the art of moving, and if I remember correctly he had professional experience to draw upon. I learned from them and my dad. Dad has lived a large portion of his life either on a boat or in a trailer. This gives a person a certain since of space, a very economical since of space. I remember my dad teaching me how to stuff "10 pounds of shit into a 5 pound bag". On top of all this I took a job in a shipping department when I was 19 for a while and took great pleasure in the real life 3D tetris game of it all. Any way, to conclude a long story. I fit everything that I had used in 4 months, excepting a tea kettle, into my 2 bags. Beniot said "you travel light", "you call this light", "Holy Shit, I don't think they will let you check that.". That was the next morning and I am getting ahead of myself. I finished packing my bags and and my girlfriend came over. I spent 30 min joking with her and trying to convince her to come out. Only god knows why she never goes out with my friends and I. Maybe she doesn't like my friends, maybe she is embarrassed by my poor manners? Whatever. I had a great dinner with Beniot, Renata and Andrea. I guess nothing really happened I can write about, but it was a great night, full of love.
At dinner the next day with Ben and Renata I order a thai curry. After 2 months in Thailand most people get tired of thai food every day. I love thai food so this never quite happened to me but the last week I ate thai food morning evening and night. Ben (French) and Renata(Italian) are leaving before the end of the month so we talked about how much thai food will cost back home. Chit chat, it is a wonderful thing, I have heard so many people say disparaging things about "small talk" but I have learned that there is no such thing as small talk, only small minds.
I had Ben buy me a train ticket when he go into Chaing Mai. He told me he bought it because I asked him to but he felt guilty subjecting me to the misery that he went through on his trip. I also got bad reports from others. I got on the Train to Bangkok at 6pm. When you are expecting something really awful it is hard to be disappointed, and I wasn't. The train had a working A/C and I had a good book. I slept a few hours on the fold down bed but for most of the 13 hour trip I read. I finished Acacia and started the next one. Acacia was SO good. The writing was dexterous and the plot line was unexpected. The best thing about it though was the way the realistic way the story was framed. In the course of a life we are born into a world with a complex history, into circumstances we don't understand. By the end we have understood little and resolved nothing. The book was actually a trilogy and the end made you really wish there was a forth book.
I had 6 hours in Bangkok before my flight. I was waiting in line for a taxi which would be the cheapest way to get around when I was propositioned by a tuktuk driver. He wanted twice what I would pay. After going back to the line I stuck up 8 fingers as an offer to him, he squinted, paused and excepted. I was tired of standing in line and was willing to pay a few baht not to. He told me to wait where I was, but before he came back a gaurd told me to go with another driver. I started to explain that I was waiting when he cut me off and ordered me to go. I was putting my things into the other tuktuk when mine pulled up and I quickly switched to the first driver. I told him what happened and that I have a hard time saying no to a man with a gun. He said they were ting tong, crazy. I have been told that the name 'tuktuk' comes from the race car like humming of the muffler on these tricycle, open air, covered vehicles. Maybe he was inspired by the sound because this particular tuktuk drove like he was in the Indie 500. It was quite fun. I was off to Wat Po to get a massage! It was a good massage and greatly needed. Wat Po was interesting for a Thai temple, which is not saying much because they all look almost exactly alike. On my way out I caught a tourist trap tuktuk. The deal is they bring you to a restaurant that they have a deal with, then to a temple and then to a jewelry shop. I thought there had to be some sort of trick but a 20 baht tuktuk that would get me lunch and closer to the airport seemed like a great idea at the time! There was actually no trick in the end.
The plane to Taiwan was short and unspectacular. I met a nice English kid going to Mexico to be a dive instructor who was in need of a book so I gave him Acacia. I also realized that I had a thing for women in uniforms.
Taiwan to LA was lucky. I sat down and commented to a man on the exit row that I had come all this way to be within arms reach of the best seat to no avail. Like there was some kind of skill involved. He replied kindly. Less then two minutes later I was asked to switch seats with a Chinese woman and her child. Not only was I being changed to front row seating I had an empty seat next to me! I helped the mother move her stuff and offered to help in any way I could and proceeded to gloat to Mike that I now had the best seat on the plane! Mike and I hit it off, we talked for about half of the trip to LA. He was a father of 2 who lived a beach bum lifestyle until his late 20's when he started working in business and was now a consultant for Intel. When we landed I helped June carry her stuff so that she could attend to her son Eric. Then I kept him busy while we waited for passport control. When June had some difficulty due to a mistake filling out her paperwork I explained to the officer what the problem was so that she didn't have to get her bags searched. She was very happy and asked if I was interested in Chinese women and offered to show me around China when I go that way.
LA to Atlanta was disappointing. When I talked to someone and he said something that made no sense and I understood what he meant I was very excited. Native English slang! My enthusiasm fell off from there though. I don't really want to talk about it.
Finally I got to Tampa! After 50 hours of travel I got into the car with my dad to go home!
I will continue to write as I carry on my journey through the US of A but right now I need to go to the bathroom!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Sawatdee Bee Mai!
Happy New Year!
If Thais know anything they know how to have a good time! The new year is celebrated here for almost an entire week. Parying is nearly a nightly event for many Thais so to make the new years special most everyone gets a week off work to crowd the streets with buckets of ice water and super soakers! Each morning I dreaded the thought of going out into the foray but every day as the first smiling Thai soaked me to the bone I couldn't help but to beam with joy! On the first day of Songkran Mike and I rode our bikes past a little girl who tried with all her might to fling some water on us. She failed miserably but smiled with glee just at the attempt. Mike turned his bike around and rode in slow and close. I came in behind giving her enough time to reload. Thai children are so cute! She used the weapon of choice for 90% of Thais. It was the same bole you see in most bathrooms used to "force flush " the squat toilets... At first this was a disturbing thought. Decidedly worst though was that the party centered around the moat and moat water is the dirtiest water you can find in Thailand. "If you get moat water in your mouth it's 2 weeks bad luck" joked Mike. By the end of an hour I was thoroughly saturated with the green/brown stuff, it was in my mouth, my ears, up my nose... I soon forgot my horror and joined the masses in blissful revelrie. You could get wet in a few basic ways. The only one that was not at all cool was when a farang (whitey) hit you with a since of mean fun, or after dark, this was not common though. Otherwise you either got a playfull soaking, or were honored with a pour over your head head and a blessing. The other fairly common wetting was the "your cute" splash. Mike and I were both actually grabbed and dragged behind truck full of beautiful Thais. By the sagacious advice of a good friend I will no longer speak in details on taboo subjects. I will only say that I didn't go with the truck. I have fallen in with a Thai woman I have been enamored with for almost the entire 3 months here in Chiang Mai and will spend the rest of my time here with her. Songkran! I will tell you honestly that nothing in the states can be compared with it's well placed fun (Halloween follows in the distance). It is well placed in the since that it seems to fill every need of the body and spirit. Everyone knows how I get carried away when I get excited. With out a second thought I climbed on top of a songthau (red truck) inhabited by some drunk farangs who hardly noticed my quick pirate like boarding. Pulling my camera out of its ziplock risking its safety as I snapped pictures and turned dogged just in time to avoid bucket after bucket flung by the crowed below. It is the closest I hope to ever get to feeling like a war corespondent. Turning the corner away from the bulk of the people we sped up to normal crusing speeds and for the first time in months, I was cold! THIS was well placed. As if the goddesses of Songkran knew that after months of blistering heat with no hope of relief in the near future my heart and mind, like my skin, was beginning to blister. Just kidding. It was a nice feeling though.
Since then I have been getting blind massages and fawning over my new girlfriend. The only odd thing about the relationship is money. I remember walking the markets wishing I had someone to buy beautiful things for. When I am alone I feel fine buying something for her. I am rich here! When together I am reminded of the stereotype of a beautiful Thai woman and the sketchy white man. This in no way fits our relationship, but I felt strange yesterday as I paid for our dinner. The first few dates she refused to let me pay even for myself. She is well paid for a Thai and very pleased with her income. I pressed her for numbers and details of her work eager to learn about Thai business as well as her. A little over $300 a month! Less then I make in a week at a mediocre job! At first I was infuriated! She works that much for that little! I held my tung not wanting to say anything offensive and thought about it. She lives with her whole family, and can eat for $3 a day... So it IS good as long as she does not have aspirations to leave Thailand. Unfortunately she works 70 hrs a week for it and she does want to travel. I want to understand more about economics. I want to understand why the king takes actions to keep the baht weak and how the world supports such disparity of wealth. I can tell you that she marks the upper crest of intelligence, beauty and kindness. Why is it that by her virtues she can not live in the world with the advantages that I have? It is due to my lucky fate more then my charm or mediocre intelligence that I live with ease in this world. I have worked on average less then a quarter of each year since reaching adulthood, hardly a productive member of society. This not has not stopped me from seeing fair part of the US and venturing into the wider world. By whose virtue have I been blessed? Certainly not my own. Have I heard my father say these words? I have inherited along with half his body -the better half I think- his luck, his perspective, and his confusion, well maybe half.
Enough!
You have suffered far enough, whether in love or intriege, through the ramblings that map the dizzy mess of my mind, the labarinth I wonder daily. "Relax, breath, think happy thoughts". This is all I know of wisdom. I am a lucky fool, a cog in the wheel, a wave in the ocean of samsara. I am sure I have 2 friends, likewise lucky and lost, in Omar Khayyam and his most famous translator Edward Fitzgerald.
XXVI.
Oh, come with old Khayyam, and leave the Wise
To talk; one thing is certain, that Life flies;
One thing is certain, and the Rest is Lies;
The Flower that once has blown for ever dies.
XXVII.
Myself when young did eagerly frequent
Doctor and Saint, and heard great Argument
About it and about: but evermore
Came out by the same Door as in I went.
XXVIII.
With them the Seed of Wisdom did I sow,
And with my own hand labour'd it to grow:
And this was all the Harvest that I reap'd--
"I came like Water, and like Wind I go."
XXIX.
Into this Universe, and why not knowing,
Nor whence, like Water willy-nilly flowing:
And out of it, as Wind along the Waste,
I know not whither, willy-nilly blowing.
XXX.
What, without asking, hither hurried whence?
And, without asking, whither hurried hence!
Another and another Cup to drown
The Memory of this Impertinence!
XXXII.
There was a Door to which I found no Key:
There was a Veil past which I could not see:
Some little Talk awhile of ME and THEE
There seemed--and then no more of THEE and ME.
XXXIII.
Then to the rolling Heav'n itself I cried,
Asking, "What Lamp had Destiny to guide
Her little Children stumbling in the Dark?"
And--"A blind understanding!" Heav'n replied.
XLVIX.
'Tis all a Chequer-board of Nights and Days
Where Destiny with Men for Pieces plays:
Hither and thither moves, and mates, and slays,
And one by one back in the Closet lays.
L.
The Ball no Question makes of Ayes and Noes,
But Right or Left as strikes the Player goes;
And He that toss'd Thee down into the Field,
He knows about it all--HE knows--HE knows!
If Thais know anything they know how to have a good time! The new year is celebrated here for almost an entire week. Parying is nearly a nightly event for many Thais so to make the new years special most everyone gets a week off work to crowd the streets with buckets of ice water and super soakers! Each morning I dreaded the thought of going out into the foray but every day as the first smiling Thai soaked me to the bone I couldn't help but to beam with joy! On the first day of Songkran Mike and I rode our bikes past a little girl who tried with all her might to fling some water on us. She failed miserably but smiled with glee just at the attempt. Mike turned his bike around and rode in slow and close. I came in behind giving her enough time to reload. Thai children are so cute! She used the weapon of choice for 90% of Thais. It was the same bole you see in most bathrooms used to "force flush " the squat toilets... At first this was a disturbing thought. Decidedly worst though was that the party centered around the moat and moat water is the dirtiest water you can find in Thailand. "If you get moat water in your mouth it's 2 weeks bad luck" joked Mike. By the end of an hour I was thoroughly saturated with the green/brown stuff, it was in my mouth, my ears, up my nose... I soon forgot my horror and joined the masses in blissful revelrie. You could get wet in a few basic ways. The only one that was not at all cool was when a farang (whitey) hit you with a since of mean fun, or after dark, this was not common though. Otherwise you either got a playfull soaking, or were honored with a pour over your head head and a blessing. The other fairly common wetting was the "your cute" splash. Mike and I were both actually grabbed and dragged behind truck full of beautiful Thais. By the sagacious advice of a good friend I will no longer speak in details on taboo subjects. I will only say that I didn't go with the truck. I have fallen in with a Thai woman I have been enamored with for almost the entire 3 months here in Chiang Mai and will spend the rest of my time here with her. Songkran! I will tell you honestly that nothing in the states can be compared with it's well placed fun (Halloween follows in the distance). It is well placed in the since that it seems to fill every need of the body and spirit. Everyone knows how I get carried away when I get excited. With out a second thought I climbed on top of a songthau (red truck) inhabited by some drunk farangs who hardly noticed my quick pirate like boarding. Pulling my camera out of its ziplock risking its safety as I snapped pictures and turned dogged just in time to avoid bucket after bucket flung by the crowed below. It is the closest I hope to ever get to feeling like a war corespondent. Turning the corner away from the bulk of the people we sped up to normal crusing speeds and for the first time in months, I was cold! THIS was well placed. As if the goddesses of Songkran knew that after months of blistering heat with no hope of relief in the near future my heart and mind, like my skin, was beginning to blister. Just kidding. It was a nice feeling though.
Since then I have been getting blind massages and fawning over my new girlfriend. The only odd thing about the relationship is money. I remember walking the markets wishing I had someone to buy beautiful things for. When I am alone I feel fine buying something for her. I am rich here! When together I am reminded of the stereotype of a beautiful Thai woman and the sketchy white man. This in no way fits our relationship, but I felt strange yesterday as I paid for our dinner. The first few dates she refused to let me pay even for myself. She is well paid for a Thai and very pleased with her income. I pressed her for numbers and details of her work eager to learn about Thai business as well as her. A little over $300 a month! Less then I make in a week at a mediocre job! At first I was infuriated! She works that much for that little! I held my tung not wanting to say anything offensive and thought about it. She lives with her whole family, and can eat for $3 a day... So it IS good as long as she does not have aspirations to leave Thailand. Unfortunately she works 70 hrs a week for it and she does want to travel. I want to understand more about economics. I want to understand why the king takes actions to keep the baht weak and how the world supports such disparity of wealth. I can tell you that she marks the upper crest of intelligence, beauty and kindness. Why is it that by her virtues she can not live in the world with the advantages that I have? It is due to my lucky fate more then my charm or mediocre intelligence that I live with ease in this world. I have worked on average less then a quarter of each year since reaching adulthood, hardly a productive member of society. This not has not stopped me from seeing fair part of the US and venturing into the wider world. By whose virtue have I been blessed? Certainly not my own. Have I heard my father say these words? I have inherited along with half his body -the better half I think- his luck, his perspective, and his confusion, well maybe half.
Enough!
You have suffered far enough, whether in love or intriege, through the ramblings that map the dizzy mess of my mind, the labarinth I wonder daily. "Relax, breath, think happy thoughts". This is all I know of wisdom. I am a lucky fool, a cog in the wheel, a wave in the ocean of samsara. I am sure I have 2 friends, likewise lucky and lost, in Omar Khayyam and his most famous translator Edward Fitzgerald.
XXVI.
Oh, come with old Khayyam, and leave the Wise
To talk; one thing is certain, that Life flies;
One thing is certain, and the Rest is Lies;
The Flower that once has blown for ever dies.
XXVII.
Myself when young did eagerly frequent
Doctor and Saint, and heard great Argument
About it and about: but evermore
Came out by the same Door as in I went.
XXVIII.
With them the Seed of Wisdom did I sow,
And with my own hand labour'd it to grow:
And this was all the Harvest that I reap'd--
"I came like Water, and like Wind I go."
XXIX.
Into this Universe, and why not knowing,
Nor whence, like Water willy-nilly flowing:
And out of it, as Wind along the Waste,
I know not whither, willy-nilly blowing.
XXX.
What, without asking, hither hurried whence?
And, without asking, whither hurried hence!
Another and another Cup to drown
The Memory of this Impertinence!
XXXII.
There was a Door to which I found no Key:
There was a Veil past which I could not see:
Some little Talk awhile of ME and THEE
There seemed--and then no more of THEE and ME.
XXXIII.
Then to the rolling Heav'n itself I cried,
Asking, "What Lamp had Destiny to guide
Her little Children stumbling in the Dark?"
And--"A blind understanding!" Heav'n replied.
XLVIX.
'Tis all a Chequer-board of Nights and Days
Where Destiny with Men for Pieces plays:
Hither and thither moves, and mates, and slays,
And one by one back in the Closet lays.
L.
The Ball no Question makes of Ayes and Noes,
But Right or Left as strikes the Player goes;
And He that toss'd Thee down into the Field,
He knows about it all--HE knows--HE knows!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
This one is all over the place!
Sunny Dipps comment was getting long so I will respond here.
At the night market you will see men with men, men with women, women with women all holding hands . Then again Thais are a touchy people so holding hands might not mean anything at all sexual. Every night you go out to a Thai bar you will approached by girls, boys, and lady boys. One of my favorite teachers is called a she by most people (everyone at school), but partying at her home she is also called a "he". All this is to say that it is not the norm to be queer, but it is not hidden or looked down upon. I hope that people in the states can open their minds a little to make the lives of themselves and others better. The problem with reformation ideas like this is they fly in the face of mutually reinforcing habits. I don't need to say anything about the "gay bashing" problem. On the gay side though I have noticed attempts to seduce straights. That it is a big problem. Can you expect a straight construction worker to accept gays if he thinks he will be harassed by them? And how can someone complain that they are not accepted and then go around trying to change others? There is little more aggravating then unwanted sexual tension. If someone is not attracted to you, let them be. This is one lesson I am very bitter about but thankful for, accidentally taught to me by a gay friend. I try to find out if a women is interested accept it if they are not. I have noticed a distaste of sexual openness in American women more then any other culture since coming here. The only student I can think of who strongly disliked me in the 3 months I was at ITM was an American girl who I flirted with for 5-10 min, realized she was not interested and said goodbye. It was not even very overt flirting. She was generally disliked for her political views so I didn't mind that she didn't like me. That brings up another point. How can Americans stand behind American foreign policy? Everybody thinks Americans are stupid and the only values we have are monetary values. Of course that makes our economy strong and that is respected... But do we have to fuck with other countries to keep a strong economy? I don't pretend to know the answer to that one. And I can't complain to much as long as I enjoy the benefits. The one thing I wish for the betterment of the United States is that people look around without judgment. Look at other cultures and when they are different, instead of saying "Bad" say "Why?" or "Wow". For that matter when we look at other people maybe we should be a little less judgmental. I try to separate my discriminating faculties from my emotional faculties. Maybe it is impossible, but I have found that I can often act appropriately without judgment. Leaving my feelings more balanced and positive then they used to be. I think it would be arrogant to say "of course I am not perfect". Instead I would like to undercut the notion of perfection. An ideal of perfection is not one that I aspire to. I aspire only to happiness and freedom from suffering.
Mike and I have been planing our future. Mine in yoga/massage, his in teaching, both traveling. How can we do everything we want and do it well? I am thinking I had better go to school in the states to get certified to practice in the good ol' USA. This is not really what I want to do. I want to save up some more money and study here. Mike thinks I should go to one of the best schools in the states, make some money "rubbing some rich old lady's ass", and THEN come back here. One thing I am really good at, well one thing that I need to be really good at is taking good advice. Kristen suggested Boulder, CO. I have always wanted to live in CO. I could start next October and the program is a year long. At the end I would be able to work anywhere in the US. Until then I want to try to make my living practicing Thai massage... I mean, "Thai Yoga Therapy". I think if I asked $20/hr I could give three two hour massages a day without running out of clients? Maybe it's stupid. It would be ALLOT of work for very little money. But if I could do that from May untill October I could live well and get allot of practice in.
| 8 | Let lovers all distraught and frenzied be, |
| And flown with wine, and reprobates, like me; | |
| When sober, I find everything amiss, | |
| But in my cups cry, "Let what will be, be." |
| 15 | Whate'er thou doest, never grieve thy brother, |
| Nor kindle fumes of wrath his peace to smother; | |
| Dost thou desire to taste eternal bliss, | |
| Vex thine own heart, but never vex another! |
| 18 | Young wooer, charm all hearts with lover's art, |
| Glad winner, lead thy paragon apart! | |
| A hundred Kaabas equal not one heart, | |
| Seek not the Kaaba, rather seek a heart! |
| 18 | Young wooer, charm all hearts with lover's art, |
| Glad winner, lead thy paragon apart! | |
| A hundred Kaabas equal not one heart, | |
| Seek not the Kaaba, rather seek a heart! |
| 23 | Quoth fish to duck, "Twill be a sad affair, | |
| If this brook leaves its channel dry and bare "; | ||
| To whom the duck, "When I am dead and roasted | ||
| The brook may run with wine for aught I care. " | ||
| 24 | From doubt to clear assurance is a breath, | |
| A breath from infidelity to faith; | ||
| O precious breath! enjoy it while you may, | ||
| 'Tis all that life can give, and then comes death. | ||
| 30 | To-day is thine to spend, but not to-morrow, |
| Counting on morrows breedeth naught but sorrow; | |
| Oh! squander not this breath that heaven hath lent thee, | |
| Nor make too sure another breath to borrow! |
| 32 | This jug did once, like me, love's sorrows taste, |
| And bonds of beauty's tresses once embraced, | |
| This handle, which you see upon its side, | |
| Has many a time twined round a slender waist! |
| 41 | Sobriety doth dry up all delight, |
| And drunkenness doth drown my sense outright; | |
| There is a middle state, it is my life--- | |
| Not altogether drunk, nor sober quite. |
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Back in Thailand!
My last night in Vientiane was very interesting. Sor invited both Jane and I out for dinner, which was both awkward and enlightening. First of all I found out who her ex-boyfriend was. I think that she wanted explore without loosing her option of going back to him. This theory explains her actions very well. I have a general tendency that if someone is mean or otherwise not good to me I distance myself from them and let them be. This was not what she wanted. I had to interpret her pushing and pulling not as a go away/stay indicator but as a "this is how close I want you. no. to far. no. to close" This highlights a central problem of friendships across language/cultural barriers.
After dinner we went to a gay bar. It was practically a hallway with a stage at the end. We watched a drag show and danced. It was allot of fun. Sor and I drank for free. I thought it fairly normal. Small bars always have favorite people that get free drinks and perks. I was surprised however when we went to Don Chan and didn't pay the cover, and drank for free. This is the biggest nightclub in Laos and I just walked in like I owned the place. Cool. We met a girl that liked Sor and he suggested a threesome. She can't be with him without me, I can't be with her without him, and he can't be with me without her... Weird huh? The problem was she did not like me at all. She started to try to dance with Sor and I decided to have some fun. I pushed her out of the way with enough force to say, I'm the boss here. Sor and I started dancing and he knew the plan already. In sync we turned to look at her. She was green. She tried to butt in and I pushed her out of the way again. Presto, she is all over me! Time to go out side and chat. First I noticed some beautiful Lao girls trying to ditch some lame and aggressive white guy. I took it upon myself to run interference. I "made friends" with said man and talked him away from the very grateful women. When I got back to my party Sor was called off on business and his girl pulled me over to some corner to make out with me. We were followed by two boys. They pulled down my pants and she put her toung in my mouth. I did not have a good feeling about this. I pulled up my pants and went back to the party. Sor was a little sore and asked me if I enjoyed it. I didn't. Before long Sor took me home. We had a good conversation about the meaning of life, the universe, and everything... Then I went to my room, he went home. I forgot to lock my door and woke up alone, without my Itouch that is. Ouch, well what ever. My next thought was"OH SHIT!" and I started frantically searching for my passport. To me this highlights a central point in my life. I don't really care about stuff... I care about quality of life. I enjoy having things and using things, but do they make my life enjoyable? An mp3 player can not. My passport on the other hand is both my key to worldly freedom and my lifeline to my friends and family. It is now the single most important thing that I own. Any other object I can think of would not be worth fretting about, let them come and go. Of course I should have locked my door. That was not as they say "skillfulness in action".
The journey home was quite smooth, yet eventful. I took a tuktuk to the bus station, paying more then I should have. Then instead of the bus I took another tuktuk to the border, again paying more then I should have. I felt like I was on a greased rail out of town and I was not going to put on the brakes for a few dollars! On the way to the border I met a nice Danish gentleman who asked if I was Swiss, the third person that week. Anyway, I quite liked the fellow so I kept him entertained with a constant stream of bullshit. My other option was siting there, quite like on an elevator, a really long elevator going all the way to the border. And I can be quite entertaining if I do say so myself ;). My new friend became a great asset as I reached the border. Not only did he show me where to go and tell me what to do, he paid all my fees and bought the next bus so that I didn't have to stop at an ATM. I was an asset to him as well. Since I knew where he had been and where he was going I met all the people he needed to get the info he needed to do what he needed to do. It turned out that we were going to the same place. I could get a cheap direct flight to Chiang Mai from Udon Thani. I would pay the taxi while he would buy the next bus ticket. A greased track I tell you! It all came to a screeching hault at the Udon Thani airport. I arrived 10 min late to buy the only flight of the day... I called Mike and he said the bus trip from Udon was a nightmare so I decided to buy a ticket for the next day. Johnathan flew out after lunch and I was on my own. The Song-tau driver I met going into town let me sit in the cab with him, a fact I much appreciated after the back began overflowing with Thais. He knew very little English but I found out he had 2 daughters a son and that his wife had died. He shared his water with me, which felt very brotherly. As I drank it I did not touch my lips to the rim and thanked god for hepatitis vaccinations, just in case. 3 Thai women got in the back with a cute 3 y/o girl. The little girl would occasionally bang on the window to get my attention and then play coy. It was sooo cute!
That brings me to an observation about the young children here. Two things you never see are a child with a lone ragged mother when there is a child there are usually 3 women with it. The other is a grumpy whining baby. They don't seem to hide children away like they do in the states either. They are just more behaved. Speaking of children. Whats up with the way adults act in the states? They act like children. I have never seen a Thai person lose there temper or get snotty with a waitress or cashier... A daily event in the states. I would guess maybe it has something to do with the way the children are raised.
Back to the story! After being dropped off at some seemingly random street corner in Udon Thani I checked into the first hotel I found. $7.50 and it had AC! Checking in highlighted the Lao/Thai contrast once again. The woman checking me in exemplified Sor's words,"Thais have sweet mouths but sour asses." Everyone I talk to agrees that Lao is friendlier (Kristen even shared that the men are more attractive). After talking with the first Thais Jonathan and I encountered after crossing the boarder he commented "were back in Thailand alright". I asked him if it wasn't already 5 degrees hotter? He agreed and tried to explain why, a fruitless endeavor.
Sorry for the tangent...
Next on the menu was an Internet cafe. I saw an old man on a push bike chariot who offered me a ride for "two baht" I reached into my pocket and pulled out "2 baht" he looked horrified! I pulled out "20 baht" and he laughed about that for the whole trip. "2 baht, 20 baht,2 baht, 20 baht" he repeated for the next 5 min. Very nice guy, maybe a little crazy. I felt sorry for him for the bike he had. He could not reach both peddles at the same time, this made the ride very slow. I gave him "22 baht" and we laughed again. After reading some email and writing a lengthy response I discovered that the server had crashed and I lost everything. The woman who owned the place explained and then asked "Are you done? 15 baht." Oh, and if "they" (you know, the Thais) give you something that tastes awful, don't expect to get your money back for that either. Not that I am bitter or anything :) I got home and lay down. I was not going out! I was going to sleep early and catching my flight! Actually, I was not going to sleep early. Every time I was almost asleep my neighbor would start playing racket ball or something... I don't know why these hotels have a habit of putting my room right next to the game room . To add insult to injury I had a bad dream...
There was an evil super villain looking guy and he was kidnapping a beautiful young woman. I am not exactly known for heroics but there was nobody else there. I boldly told the man to make like a tree and leaf so that I could make off with the girl. He was having none of it. He took his super villain chemical potion and poured it over my head. My face began to melt and blister and bloat. I was in agonizing pain and turning into a monster . The lesson of the dream I have thought about many times. The only prejudice left, well, the only fully sanctioned prejudice is the prejudice of beauty. For years I have felt guilty about one time when I was talking to an extremely ugly person and I was feeling "Get Away! I don't want to look at you or be seen with you!" He was in the course of a short conversation becoming very attached to me. Obviously starved for conversation and attention. I found a convenient excuse to leave, but now 5 years later I still look back on that day with great shame. On a regular basis I notice in myself and in others a tendency to treat people according to looks first, even if it is subtle enough to deny. I see it with men towards women obviously, but also towards men as well. Women are the same. That night I lived it. When the police saw me not only did they think I was crazy, they began to harass me. They pushed me around and then tried to make sexual advances toward me. Upon waking I could not understand this. But after reflection I could see that they could do anything they wanted and nobody would believe me. I walked the streets and everyone turned away. I was helpless and alone. Life sucks huh?
My flight home was pleasant. The hostess was gorgeous and the highlight of the trip was flirting with her. It was a short flight.
Chiang Mai!
Since this has been a very long post I will finish tomorrow.
After dinner we went to a gay bar. It was practically a hallway with a stage at the end. We watched a drag show and danced. It was allot of fun. Sor and I drank for free. I thought it fairly normal. Small bars always have favorite people that get free drinks and perks. I was surprised however when we went to Don Chan and didn't pay the cover, and drank for free. This is the biggest nightclub in Laos and I just walked in like I owned the place. Cool. We met a girl that liked Sor and he suggested a threesome. She can't be with him without me, I can't be with her without him, and he can't be with me without her... Weird huh? The problem was she did not like me at all. She started to try to dance with Sor and I decided to have some fun. I pushed her out of the way with enough force to say, I'm the boss here. Sor and I started dancing and he knew the plan already. In sync we turned to look at her. She was green. She tried to butt in and I pushed her out of the way again. Presto, she is all over me! Time to go out side and chat. First I noticed some beautiful Lao girls trying to ditch some lame and aggressive white guy. I took it upon myself to run interference. I "made friends" with said man and talked him away from the very grateful women. When I got back to my party Sor was called off on business and his girl pulled me over to some corner to make out with me. We were followed by two boys. They pulled down my pants and she put her toung in my mouth. I did not have a good feeling about this. I pulled up my pants and went back to the party. Sor was a little sore and asked me if I enjoyed it. I didn't. Before long Sor took me home. We had a good conversation about the meaning of life, the universe, and everything... Then I went to my room, he went home. I forgot to lock my door and woke up alone, without my Itouch that is. Ouch, well what ever. My next thought was"OH SHIT!" and I started frantically searching for my passport. To me this highlights a central point in my life. I don't really care about stuff... I care about quality of life. I enjoy having things and using things, but do they make my life enjoyable? An mp3 player can not. My passport on the other hand is both my key to worldly freedom and my lifeline to my friends and family. It is now the single most important thing that I own. Any other object I can think of would not be worth fretting about, let them come and go. Of course I should have locked my door. That was not as they say "skillfulness in action".
The journey home was quite smooth, yet eventful. I took a tuktuk to the bus station, paying more then I should have. Then instead of the bus I took another tuktuk to the border, again paying more then I should have. I felt like I was on a greased rail out of town and I was not going to put on the brakes for a few dollars! On the way to the border I met a nice Danish gentleman who asked if I was Swiss, the third person that week. Anyway, I quite liked the fellow so I kept him entertained with a constant stream of bullshit. My other option was siting there, quite like on an elevator, a really long elevator going all the way to the border. And I can be quite entertaining if I do say so myself ;). My new friend became a great asset as I reached the border. Not only did he show me where to go and tell me what to do, he paid all my fees and bought the next bus so that I didn't have to stop at an ATM. I was an asset to him as well. Since I knew where he had been and where he was going I met all the people he needed to get the info he needed to do what he needed to do. It turned out that we were going to the same place. I could get a cheap direct flight to Chiang Mai from Udon Thani. I would pay the taxi while he would buy the next bus ticket. A greased track I tell you! It all came to a screeching hault at the Udon Thani airport. I arrived 10 min late to buy the only flight of the day... I called Mike and he said the bus trip from Udon was a nightmare so I decided to buy a ticket for the next day. Johnathan flew out after lunch and I was on my own. The Song-tau driver I met going into town let me sit in the cab with him, a fact I much appreciated after the back began overflowing with Thais. He knew very little English but I found out he had 2 daughters a son and that his wife had died. He shared his water with me, which felt very brotherly. As I drank it I did not touch my lips to the rim and thanked god for hepatitis vaccinations, just in case. 3 Thai women got in the back with a cute 3 y/o girl. The little girl would occasionally bang on the window to get my attention and then play coy. It was sooo cute!
That brings me to an observation about the young children here. Two things you never see are a child with a lone ragged mother when there is a child there are usually 3 women with it. The other is a grumpy whining baby. They don't seem to hide children away like they do in the states either. They are just more behaved. Speaking of children. Whats up with the way adults act in the states? They act like children. I have never seen a Thai person lose there temper or get snotty with a waitress or cashier... A daily event in the states. I would guess maybe it has something to do with the way the children are raised.
Back to the story! After being dropped off at some seemingly random street corner in Udon Thani I checked into the first hotel I found. $7.50 and it had AC! Checking in highlighted the Lao/Thai contrast once again. The woman checking me in exemplified Sor's words,"Thais have sweet mouths but sour asses." Everyone I talk to agrees that Lao is friendlier (Kristen even shared that the men are more attractive). After talking with the first Thais Jonathan and I encountered after crossing the boarder he commented "were back in Thailand alright". I asked him if it wasn't already 5 degrees hotter? He agreed and tried to explain why, a fruitless endeavor.
Sorry for the tangent...
Next on the menu was an Internet cafe. I saw an old man on a push bike chariot who offered me a ride for "two baht" I reached into my pocket and pulled out "2 baht" he looked horrified! I pulled out "20 baht" and he laughed about that for the whole trip. "2 baht, 20 baht,2 baht, 20 baht" he repeated for the next 5 min. Very nice guy, maybe a little crazy. I felt sorry for him for the bike he had. He could not reach both peddles at the same time, this made the ride very slow. I gave him "22 baht" and we laughed again. After reading some email and writing a lengthy response I discovered that the server had crashed and I lost everything. The woman who owned the place explained and then asked "Are you done? 15 baht." Oh, and if "they" (you know, the Thais) give you something that tastes awful, don't expect to get your money back for that either. Not that I am bitter or anything :) I got home and lay down. I was not going out! I was going to sleep early and catching my flight! Actually, I was not going to sleep early. Every time I was almost asleep my neighbor would start playing racket ball or something... I don't know why these hotels have a habit of putting my room right next to the game room . To add insult to injury I had a bad dream...
There was an evil super villain looking guy and he was kidnapping a beautiful young woman. I am not exactly known for heroics but there was nobody else there. I boldly told the man to make like a tree and leaf so that I could make off with the girl. He was having none of it. He took his super villain chemical potion and poured it over my head. My face began to melt and blister and bloat. I was in agonizing pain and turning into a monster . The lesson of the dream I have thought about many times. The only prejudice left, well, the only fully sanctioned prejudice is the prejudice of beauty. For years I have felt guilty about one time when I was talking to an extremely ugly person and I was feeling "Get Away! I don't want to look at you or be seen with you!" He was in the course of a short conversation becoming very attached to me. Obviously starved for conversation and attention. I found a convenient excuse to leave, but now 5 years later I still look back on that day with great shame. On a regular basis I notice in myself and in others a tendency to treat people according to looks first, even if it is subtle enough to deny. I see it with men towards women obviously, but also towards men as well. Women are the same. That night I lived it. When the police saw me not only did they think I was crazy, they began to harass me. They pushed me around and then tried to make sexual advances toward me. Upon waking I could not understand this. But after reflection I could see that they could do anything they wanted and nobody would believe me. I walked the streets and everyone turned away. I was helpless and alone. Life sucks huh?
My flight home was pleasant. The hostess was gorgeous and the highlight of the trip was flirting with her. It was a short flight.
Chiang Mai!
Since this has been a very long post I will finish tomorrow.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
No drama mate!
I have never had a jornal. I guess that is what this blog is. An open jornal there are things in life that we want everyone to know, and things in life we don't want to admit even to ourselves. I don't like it when people don't like me. I imagine that is a pretty universal human characteristic. I especially don't like it if I don't know exactly why they don't like me. If I know why I can change if I don't like that part of me, or I can let it go. Not knowing I feel lost and helpless. Today I woke up and checking the time on my phone noticed 6 missed calls from Jane. I sms'ed her this morning to ask whats up. Yesterday she stopped replying to my sms's after lunch. Lunch must have been awkward, everybody was telling her to take me to her room so that we could "exercise" before I left. I didn't encourage this. She got more and more distant from me until I decided to go somewhere else. I needed an excuse so I said I would go to lunch. She convinced me to eat there and brought food for us both. Then she decided not to eat with me, so I sat outside and ate alone. Then I found out I couldn't catch the bus... I mentioned that. Anyway this morning she responded to my sms calling me a "LOSER"... A little childish. I don't mind if she doesn't want to sleep with me. I don't even mind if she doesn't want to be my friend, that's life I know I won't get along with everyone. Usually in the past when someone didn't like me I could look at our interactions and point out a reason. Here I can find no good reason. I can think of a couple reasons that would imply malicious intent or acting out of fear of liking me and me leaving... but any reason that does not divide blame to both parties is almost always the wrong answer. Anyway like Sor has said many times "No drama mate". I cannot be bothered. I can't think of a single time when I thought "Yes, getting myself involved with that drama was a good idea!". Sometimes involvement is necessary to arrive at an end, but not often. In my mind and in my life I find suffering best left to dissolve by it's own transitory nature rather then by my effort. The simple solution is to continue with the flow of action, trying to behave the best I know how, and staying out of negative mind states.
So where has the flow of life taken me this morning? To the coffee shop for Bfast where I was asked by the owners to copy my music onto their computer. The other highlight of the day was a good conversation with a profesor from England about psycology and the social sciences. Now I am in the photo studio of the coffee shop's owners sister. Nice place with Aircon and everything!
BTW. I decided I would rather take a plane home. Here's the math.
Bus: 16hours and 30 bucks. $1.88 per hr .53 hours per $
Plane: 4 hours and 120 bucks. $30 per hr .03 hours per $
If I take the plane I am only paying $7.50 for each hour hour not in transport taking out the $30 I have to pay either way.
P.S. There has been some confusion about how long I am staying... I will be coming back as scheduled on the 24th of April. Merrin's graduation will be the first time both my mother and fathers side of the family will all be in one place. I would be the biggest ass hole in the world if I didn't show up.
So where has the flow of life taken me this morning? To the coffee shop for Bfast where I was asked by the owners to copy my music onto their computer. The other highlight of the day was a good conversation with a profesor from England about psycology and the social sciences. Now I am in the photo studio of the coffee shop's owners sister. Nice place with Aircon and everything!
BTW. I decided I would rather take a plane home. Here's the math.
Bus: 16hours and 30 bucks. $1.88 per hr .53 hours per $
Plane: 4 hours and 120 bucks. $30 per hr .03 hours per $
If I take the plane I am only paying $7.50 for each hour hour not in transport taking out the $30 I have to pay either way.
P.S. There has been some confusion about how long I am staying... I will be coming back as scheduled on the 24th of April. Merrin's graduation will be the first time both my mother and fathers side of the family will all be in one place. I would be the biggest ass hole in the world if I didn't show up.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Moderation. It's a good thing. Moderation in moderation, you know, excess. That's the word I am looking for. To much drinking, to much smoking, my date even said "your a good man, to much heart". Maybe she's right... At this point I feel I want to cross one of my rules. I don't want this blog to be offensive to anyone, I was planning on never talking about particulars of my sex life, except of course if it is a 'nothing happened but it makes a good story' story. I think I will. As many of you know I have designated this part of my life for sleeping around. The goal is not pure hedonism. I want to experience life, the good things in life, to my full potential. Also as many of you know I used to be a little sexually repressed. I remember going to new collage when I was 18 and being afraid to look at women! Looking at myself in fact is the goal. I have found in other areas of life that when honestly looked at both the attraction and repulsion of said object (or thought) becomes manageable.
Back to moderation! I remember a poem! It's a Rumi so it's long and I'll abridge it for you.
A king sees a picture of a woman and falls in love with her. Tells his best warrior to bring the woman. A tiger attacks the camp while the warrior is sleeping with the woman. Warrior kills tiger. King gets the woman but a voice tells him not to sleep with her. He loses erection and she giggles. He knows she is thinking about the warrior. Warrior and girl get married. The hero of the story is not the warrior, but the king, who is wise enough to listen. Things actually end badly for the warrior and the girl. I have been in the position a few times now. Sometimes the king sometimes the warrior.
Back to the girl!
But first.
I went to the coffee shop I have been hanging out at and met a fun beautiful woman, Jane. She already knew of me from Sor. When it was time to go I asked her to join me at the party but she declined, not really liking Tina, the hostess. She said we could meet later. The party was fair to dull, I kept my distance from Tina so that the other single men there could flirt with her. Throwing my date away there was not much to do but drink and before I knew it I was thoroughly drunk. Meanwhile Jane and I where messaging the night away and she told me to meet at Don Chan at 1:45. I left the party on foot, not really knowing where I was, and Tina calling after me. After walking for a while a tuktuk stopped to pick me up. I have learned to get info from tuktuks regardless of whether or not you want a ride and I found out I was going the wrong way. The price was way to much for the distance so I was planing on walking, but I liked the guy so off we went. I paid his cover charge into Don Chan, the biggest building and craziest night club in Vientiane. He met a security guard and I bought him a beer. I was talking to one of the sexiest girls I have ever met (I took pictures interested to see if I would agree with that sentiment while sober) and she wanted to go home with me and her sister. I wanted to meet the sister before I agreed. Not to bad. Also I was telling her to wait as I sms'ed Jane to find out if she was coming. If I waited to long I may have lost on both accounts. So it's time to go but I have no idea how to get home but I am not going to tell that to them! Luckily in the elevator standing next to me was... guess who... SOR! He took the girl and I to my place and we got to chat a little on the ride. I'm staying on the top floor of one of the tallest buildings in my area so we climbed through the security bars and made love on the roof. "I have never seen Vientiane like this before" she said. The rest of the details I will keep for myself.
Back to moderation. Tonight everyone is surprised that I am not drinking, I am not even going out tonight. I need a break. I have not been that drunk since high school, and I remembered why. Oh, and I wasn't that drunk. I was about as drunk as a normal night of drinking for people who drink. Not my style. The past 2 nights have been the first time I have been drunk the first time I slept with a girl. (only drunk sex once anyway) It sure does make the whole process easier.
Ok, enough about that.
Today was rather unspectacular. I tried to get a direct bus to Chiang Mai but it was sold out and I didn't want to do the real bus system so I stay this last night. And now I go to sleep.
Oh, and again with the no editing... This time it is just laziness.
Back to moderation! I remember a poem! It's a Rumi so it's long and I'll abridge it for you.
A king sees a picture of a woman and falls in love with her. Tells his best warrior to bring the woman. A tiger attacks the camp while the warrior is sleeping with the woman. Warrior kills tiger. King gets the woman but a voice tells him not to sleep with her. He loses erection and she giggles. He knows she is thinking about the warrior. Warrior and girl get married. The hero of the story is not the warrior, but the king, who is wise enough to listen. Things actually end badly for the warrior and the girl. I have been in the position a few times now. Sometimes the king sometimes the warrior.
Back to the girl!
But first.
I went to the coffee shop I have been hanging out at and met a fun beautiful woman, Jane. She already knew of me from Sor. When it was time to go I asked her to join me at the party but she declined, not really liking Tina, the hostess. She said we could meet later. The party was fair to dull, I kept my distance from Tina so that the other single men there could flirt with her. Throwing my date away there was not much to do but drink and before I knew it I was thoroughly drunk. Meanwhile Jane and I where messaging the night away and she told me to meet at Don Chan at 1:45. I left the party on foot, not really knowing where I was, and Tina calling after me. After walking for a while a tuktuk stopped to pick me up. I have learned to get info from tuktuks regardless of whether or not you want a ride and I found out I was going the wrong way. The price was way to much for the distance so I was planing on walking, but I liked the guy so off we went. I paid his cover charge into Don Chan, the biggest building and craziest night club in Vientiane. He met a security guard and I bought him a beer. I was talking to one of the sexiest girls I have ever met (I took pictures interested to see if I would agree with that sentiment while sober) and she wanted to go home with me and her sister. I wanted to meet the sister before I agreed. Not to bad. Also I was telling her to wait as I sms'ed Jane to find out if she was coming. If I waited to long I may have lost on both accounts. So it's time to go but I have no idea how to get home but I am not going to tell that to them! Luckily in the elevator standing next to me was... guess who... SOR! He took the girl and I to my place and we got to chat a little on the ride. I'm staying on the top floor of one of the tallest buildings in my area so we climbed through the security bars and made love on the roof. "I have never seen Vientiane like this before" she said. The rest of the details I will keep for myself.
Back to moderation. Tonight everyone is surprised that I am not drinking, I am not even going out tonight. I need a break. I have not been that drunk since high school, and I remembered why. Oh, and I wasn't that drunk. I was about as drunk as a normal night of drinking for people who drink. Not my style. The past 2 nights have been the first time I have been drunk the first time I slept with a girl. (only drunk sex once anyway) It sure does make the whole process easier.
Ok, enough about that.
Today was rather unspectacular. I tried to get a direct bus to Chiang Mai but it was sold out and I didn't want to do the real bus system so I stay this last night. And now I go to sleep.
Oh, and again with the no editing... This time it is just laziness.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I wrote my last blog at some random Inet shop on the outskirts of town. It was getting dark and I only had a vague notion of where I was. Riding home I took a wrong turn and met the first people I have had totally bad vibes from since getting to Asia. I had stoped to ask a security guard how to get into town when 2 men on a motorbike asked where I was going. I almost told them, then I just said "somewhere, have a nice night". They rode off and the guard suggested that I not trust everybody, a good idea. Either the guards directions were no good or I did not follow them exactly but I ended up completely lost. After riding around for a long time I was feeling a little scared. I could feel the difference in wealth between where I was and where I usually am that time of night as I ride along dark streets and by smoky food stalls. I finally met a nice woman who told me how to get home. To see a lone white woman is in someways the strongest indicator of safety I know. On my way home I saw a Laotian man chasing a little dog around the streets much to t amusement of an on looking Frenchman. What else is there to do after curfew? Not much. I talked with the Frenchman for a while. He is shooting a documentary about the Mekong river and had many stories to tell.
The next day I was ready to go, done with Vientiane! Thinking back on the night before I invited a girl out and she brought along her friends as chaperons. Endearing for sure but kind of awkward. Luckily one friend spoke fair English and they were allot of fun. I was ready to go to what is known as "the chill out town". Dropping my bike off at the cafe turned from coffee to cards to drinking to partying. Let me explain. I had not had any coffee up to this point in the day (3pm) and Laos coffee is the best. The older attractive woman, taking a cue from the 2 young gay boys invited me to watch them play cards. Sor whose English is quite good taught me how to play and took all the money in my pocket. When I say his English was quite good you have to think about how hard it is to play cards. He could not clearly explain the rules, but could answer my questions, for the most part. Figuring out the rules was as much fun as actually playing! Anyway, since I am straight and he liked me he promised me a girl for the night. Sor is a great guy, reminds me of a gay, partying, Laos version of myself. Ok, maybe the only singularity is an over inflated sense of self worth and the complete lack of modesty. After cards we went out to a bar where he brought a number of girls to me for me to choose from. I got to know them each a little and then chose my favorite to take to the next bar. Tina was the lucky woman, she is 25 years old today and I am about to go to her birthday party.
Before that let me tell you about the day. I woke up and lazed around my room listening to an audio book about how to have "hot sex". It has some pointers that are quite good but for the most part says the kind of things you figure out if you pay attention and talk to your lovers. I do wish somebody gave it to me a few years ago though! From there I went to the cafe for Bfast, met some beautiful English girls, had massages and a sauna at a temple. After lunch with the girls I prepared for the party and came here. I couldn't ask for more from any given day! Oh, I have to go find a Bday present before the party! No time to edit. With all the good feedback I have been getting I think it would be a shame to run my audience of with a few unedited works. If they are horrendous please say something.
Bye!
The next day I was ready to go, done with Vientiane! Thinking back on the night before I invited a girl out and she brought along her friends as chaperons. Endearing for sure but kind of awkward. Luckily one friend spoke fair English and they were allot of fun. I was ready to go to what is known as "the chill out town". Dropping my bike off at the cafe turned from coffee to cards to drinking to partying. Let me explain. I had not had any coffee up to this point in the day (3pm) and Laos coffee is the best. The older attractive woman, taking a cue from the 2 young gay boys invited me to watch them play cards. Sor whose English is quite good taught me how to play and took all the money in my pocket. When I say his English was quite good you have to think about how hard it is to play cards. He could not clearly explain the rules, but could answer my questions, for the most part. Figuring out the rules was as much fun as actually playing! Anyway, since I am straight and he liked me he promised me a girl for the night. Sor is a great guy, reminds me of a gay, partying, Laos version of myself. Ok, maybe the only singularity is an over inflated sense of self worth and the complete lack of modesty. After cards we went out to a bar where he brought a number of girls to me for me to choose from. I got to know them each a little and then chose my favorite to take to the next bar. Tina was the lucky woman, she is 25 years old today and I am about to go to her birthday party.
Before that let me tell you about the day. I woke up and lazed around my room listening to an audio book about how to have "hot sex". It has some pointers that are quite good but for the most part says the kind of things you figure out if you pay attention and talk to your lovers. I do wish somebody gave it to me a few years ago though! From there I went to the cafe for Bfast, met some beautiful English girls, had massages and a sauna at a temple. After lunch with the girls I prepared for the party and came here. I couldn't ask for more from any given day! Oh, I have to go find a Bday present before the party! No time to edit. With all the good feedback I have been getting I think it would be a shame to run my audience of with a few unedited works. If they are horrendous please say something.
Bye!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Another day in paradise
In the sleepy little town of Vientiane nothing ever happens, or so it seems... Yet somehow I have had more fun here, meet more people and see more in one and a half days then I did in a week in Thailand.
Upon awakening my first goal of the day was to rent a bike. Easy enough, but within 30 min it had already broken twice. I was fairly upset, still smiling and cheerful but I could feel something deep inside saying "FUCK! FUCK! DAMN SHIT ASS BITCH MUTHER FUCKIN FUCK FUCK..." I just felt it and let it go. I got lost on the way to return the bike the first time, and some nice car mechanics who fixed the bike for free. The second time it broke I was thoroughly lost, but I was able prevent it from jamming to badly and with some effort I fixed it myself. When it happened I was in front of a large monument with no English explanation. I took a picture of it and thought "Check". Then I laughed out loud.
I found that nothing in life really matters, then I wanted to kill myself, then I was afraid of pain, and death, so I decided to try to make life bearable. That was, what? Age 16? One of the things I came up with more recently was to act like everyone else, to see if that helps. People like to go to monuments and take pictures of them right? I always thought it rather silly... "Check, OK, mission accomplished, what else can I do to fill the deep hole in my heart? to fill the time?" I could imagine them thinking. Maybe there is more to life then this...
Like I mentioned last blog I now feel a desire to go and see these monuments. This is distinctly new. I have enjoyed my traveling, enjoyed seeing beautiful things, but desire to see beautiful things was not really there. I just knew what I needed to do to stay happy and unfortunately I often moved from place to place to run from more then to run to. The past little while I have felt less of a desire to move. I was very content at the Himalayan Institute for many many months, a completely new feeling. I left mostly because I said I would on a day when I was filled with restless discontent, but days like that were few and far between. At the time I felt the need to keep my word to be stronger then my attachment to the high level of comfort I had settled into. The other main factor was a a fear that the comfort was changing into ungratefulness. Last time I was in Sarasota I had adopted the attitude and appearance of one who was just passing through . Leaving came from a need to keep up appearances as anything else.
I was talking to Mike the other day.
I said I have done life backwards. First I wanted freedom (moksha). Then I wanted pleasure (kama). Only now can I see the value of things (artha). My desire was simple I wanted food, sex, sleep and safety. Every thing else was arbitrary. The devil was in the details, and I could live with or without the details. Recently I met a woman who upon first meeting asked to look at my hand. "Wow, your a very simple person" she said. Over the past few years I have started to understand the complexity I see in other people. A complexity I tried to mirror for the purpose of "fitting in".
So, I went to see a temple that has a pillar with the Buddha's breastbone in it. It was a nice temple, but I was expecting fire works. I did not know where the bone was and managed to find it by feel, but the feeling was like that of any holy object, not what I would expect from an object made with a man who is compared to Jesus... I was much more impressed with the Jar I saw at the museum. I walked up to it and was blown away, I wanted to die and jump in. Apparently there is a field of these jars filled with human remains. I hope to go. Oh, and there was an old linga in the museum. These objects struck me like a ton of bricks... I felt what maybe an innate human need to connect with something timeless. Or at least reach into time beyond my tiny existence. Now I am rambling...
Out of my head and back to my life. At the Buddha temple I ate with some nice Laotians. By now I have discovered that English maybe more prevalent (then in Thailand), but by no means common. I was flirting with one of the girls at the table next to me and was invited to drink with them. I thought long and hard about it, not really wanting to drink, but wanting company. The group was comprised of 2 lesbos, a really cute/nice boy, an attractive English speaking girl, the girl I was flirting with and her best friend. We were soon joined by Ching, a cool gay/bi guy who was trying to pick me up, or set me up with the girl of my choosing. Tink had the most beautiful eyes, the kind of eyes you don't find on a girl your likely to seduce over lunch... Indeed, she was wearing a wedding ring her mother had given to her, and wanted to introduce me to her father before going out. After I expressed my fear of meeting her father she moved to the other side of the table. :(
Time to move on.
Upon awakening my first goal of the day was to rent a bike. Easy enough, but within 30 min it had already broken twice. I was fairly upset, still smiling and cheerful but I could feel something deep inside saying "FUCK! FUCK! DAMN SHIT ASS BITCH MUTHER FUCKIN FUCK FUCK..." I just felt it and let it go. I got lost on the way to return the bike the first time, and some nice car mechanics who fixed the bike for free. The second time it broke I was thoroughly lost, but I was able prevent it from jamming to badly and with some effort I fixed it myself. When it happened I was in front of a large monument with no English explanation. I took a picture of it and thought "Check". Then I laughed out loud.
I found that nothing in life really matters, then I wanted to kill myself, then I was afraid of pain, and death, so I decided to try to make life bearable. That was, what? Age 16? One of the things I came up with more recently was to act like everyone else, to see if that helps. People like to go to monuments and take pictures of them right? I always thought it rather silly... "Check, OK, mission accomplished, what else can I do to fill the deep hole in my heart? to fill the time?" I could imagine them thinking. Maybe there is more to life then this...
Like I mentioned last blog I now feel a desire to go and see these monuments. This is distinctly new. I have enjoyed my traveling, enjoyed seeing beautiful things, but desire to see beautiful things was not really there. I just knew what I needed to do to stay happy and unfortunately I often moved from place to place to run from more then to run to. The past little while I have felt less of a desire to move. I was very content at the Himalayan Institute for many many months, a completely new feeling. I left mostly because I said I would on a day when I was filled with restless discontent, but days like that were few and far between. At the time I felt the need to keep my word to be stronger then my attachment to the high level of comfort I had settled into. The other main factor was a a fear that the comfort was changing into ungratefulness. Last time I was in Sarasota I had adopted the attitude and appearance of one who was just passing through . Leaving came from a need to keep up appearances as anything else.
I was talking to Mike the other day.
I said I have done life backwards. First I wanted freedom (moksha). Then I wanted pleasure (kama). Only now can I see the value of things (artha). My desire was simple I wanted food, sex, sleep and safety. Every thing else was arbitrary. The devil was in the details, and I could live with or without the details. Recently I met a woman who upon first meeting asked to look at my hand. "Wow, your a very simple person" she said. Over the past few years I have started to understand the complexity I see in other people. A complexity I tried to mirror for the purpose of "fitting in".
So, I went to see a temple that has a pillar with the Buddha's breastbone in it. It was a nice temple, but I was expecting fire works. I did not know where the bone was and managed to find it by feel, but the feeling was like that of any holy object, not what I would expect from an object made with a man who is compared to Jesus... I was much more impressed with the Jar I saw at the museum. I walked up to it and was blown away, I wanted to die and jump in. Apparently there is a field of these jars filled with human remains. I hope to go. Oh, and there was an old linga in the museum. These objects struck me like a ton of bricks... I felt what maybe an innate human need to connect with something timeless. Or at least reach into time beyond my tiny existence. Now I am rambling...
Out of my head and back to my life. At the Buddha temple I ate with some nice Laotians. By now I have discovered that English maybe more prevalent (then in Thailand), but by no means common. I was flirting with one of the girls at the table next to me and was invited to drink with them. I thought long and hard about it, not really wanting to drink, but wanting company. The group was comprised of 2 lesbos, a really cute/nice boy, an attractive English speaking girl, the girl I was flirting with and her best friend. We were soon joined by Ching, a cool gay/bi guy who was trying to pick me up, or set me up with the girl of my choosing. Tink had the most beautiful eyes, the kind of eyes you don't find on a girl your likely to seduce over lunch... Indeed, she was wearing a wedding ring her mother had given to her, and wanted to introduce me to her father before going out. After I expressed my fear of meeting her father she moved to the other side of the table. :(
Time to move on.
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