OMG WTF

It's been a while... in the last blog I don't know how I forgot to note the fire walking massage... It's an Old Lanna style massage where you dip your feet in oil, ketch them on fire and then give a massage with the hot oil. The demonstration was impressive. Two of us had the courage or whatever we needed to try it. I got a free leg hair removal treatment at the same time! There is a video I will post when I get a hold of it.

2 weeks ago was a week of not enough sleep. I remember it as a good week but I can not remember particulars. The weekend however was full of particulars! We went to a Lahu village to receive traditional massage and hang out together. The trip was a blast. I was listening to rap and emo on the ride there, a strange combo, but I was really into it and was dancing around and my friends thought I was drunk. Once we got to the village we had the option of walking to the complex we were staying at. I decided to run barefoot with my friend instead. I got fair cut on the bottom of my foot. I did not let it prevent me from hiking and playing though. I did let it prevent me from waking up to do yoga though :) The whole weekend was awesome. That night I had a half a beer and half a glass of wine, just enough alcohol to kill my already weak inhibitions. Instead of getting wild I sat at the campfire with my eyes closed. My friends who know me as a person who doesn't stop moving and joking around all had strong reactions. The responses varied from requests to teach meditation to concern. The concern varied of course depending on the issues of the concerned individual. One friend thinking that I was upset because a girl went off with another guy. I could not explain to him that not only did I not notice, but I did not care. It changes nothing in my life, I do not own my friends. Oh and of course the most common remedy to my state of peace and love was to drink more. I had set up my hammock away from the camp and was pleased to wake up in the morning with a friend who had crawled in while I was sleeping. The next morning I had an awesome massage and we went home after lunch.

The next week was the counter balance to the week before, no discipline. I hope I finally learned my lesson. I feel like a kid learning to drive a car. An attempt to merge into another lane becomes a crazy fishtail due to over steering. Partly due to my foot and partly for other reasons I did no yoga to speak of. On Thursday my friends drank the bar out of beer, I only had one bottle, but boy did I feel like shit for drinking, not sleeping AND not practicing. The next day was the Thai herb garden and cadaver lab! Wow. Dead bodies. A head hanging in 3 pieces connected only by scalp skin. The organs and muscles were interesting to be sure but it was the faces that intrigued me. The reminded something deep inside of me that I would die.

All last week I hung out with practically only one girl. I could write for hours about this as well but I will keep it short. She was an English girl, clever and beautiful. Even though I flirted with other girls I felt no sense of need and it was "all in fun". It was nice. She left this morning and this evening wrote an email that included "Missing you already!?! Well maybe not, but I did have a massage earlier and kinda of fell asleep woke up at a point where the lady was rocking back and forth and in my half awake state, I thought it was you!". It was nice to feel like I had a real relationship, even if it was only for a week. It is also nice to start a new week with no attachments.

Mike is now living in the next town over. It was so nice to have him to bring me back to my senses for the weekend. Debra asked "Mike is one of the biggest influences in your life?" Yeah, excepting family no one comes close to having the impact that Mike has had on my life. I think of being one with my experiences and those that I share experience with. Carrying both people and history with me not like luggage in a bag but like the food I eat. Seeing myself not only as a drop of a river collected from and flowing to the ocean, all one water. Seeing myself also as the plants and animals that grow and drink from the bank worn from the earth that is me. I can say the things but how can I talk about the action, the flowing the dance that I am? I have long ago realized the interconnection and oneness of nouns, but the oneness of verbs struck me. A continual loss of judgement and concurrent refinement of discrimination brings ever expanding acceptance of the human condition and awareness of myself. I could never do anything to repay the individuals in my life, maybe the best I can do is recognize the oneness of being and becoming. That is my worship of form and beauty. I have had some realization of emptiness, but it is gone, leaving a little peace in it's absence. How can the absence of an experience of a realization of absentness leave peace? Why is sleep refreshing? Goodnight.