Happy Fathers Day

After six months of not owning a computer and using my telephone, or the work computers, for occasional email access I have finally broken down and bought a little netbook. My telephone does most everything that a computer can, but using it is terribly slow and awkward. I found myself rarely answering emails, and almost never calling home. After not calling home for mothers day and Merrin's birthday I felt sufficiently guilty to go out and buy a damned computer. It has been nothing but a royal pain in the ass since I got it, of course. First of all it was all in Chinese, and the microphone would not work. After several attempts at installing an English version of Windows I gave up and put in Linux. That flew like a rock for a few days, but I still couldn't get the microphone working. I installed Skype and had a silent chat with Merrin for about an hour. Quite like the good old days, she remarked.

Now, in what seems to me to be a fairly mainstream mind state, it blows my fucking mind that I stopped talking for so long... But that's another story.

I finally broke down and went to 中关村 the biggest tech district here in Beijing and overpaid for some guy to install Windows. Now it works... Mostly.

Oh shit.

I worry that I have almost lost your attention and I haven't even said anything interesting yet.

Ok, the last time I checked in was about three months ago. I had just left my job with the au pair company and was starting my new glamorous life as an English teacher. That's right, English with a Capital T. Lculily you hardly need to be able to speak English to get a job here in Beijing. I have met Nigerians teaching here who are incomprehensible over the clammer of your average bar. These dedicated young men, when not selling drugs at said local bars, are teaching children how to be misunderstood by English speakers everywhere.

The moral of the story is: I can teach English like a Bad Ass even though I can not spell, have no idea what the difference between a gerund and a participle is, or where to put my prepositions at.

I don't work very much of course. I spend most of my time loafing and moaning about how much my life sucks, but all and all I can't complain... If I did nobody would listen...

The little work that I do do however is pretty fun.

Let me lay it out for you. (You smell'n what I'm step'n in?)

On Monday I teach 5-7 little brats. They're kinda cute really, but their behavior is almost as bad as mine was when I was a child, haha, jk.

This last week my teachers assistant, who does most of the work but gets paid shit, was not there... Wholly shit. Fuck that. I need to learn something about discipline or I might as well jump out a fucking window. The owner of the company had to come in to help me control the kids for the first half of the class period. I was so embarrassed! Well about as embarrassed as I could get. All that yoga and meditation I used to do hasn't left me with a calm mind per se, but it has left me with a general sense of apathy. I can only really give a shit about what someone thinks until habit makes remember my breath for a few stray seconds, then I remember that everything is comprised of utter bullshit, or emptiness, depending on how you look at it.

Luckily I'm not stupid, after the break I had them straightened right up. They were tip top for when the boss came in to check on me the next time. Little fuckers. I also teach them on Wednesday (a word that I can't remember how to spell for the life of me).

Aside from the occasional substitute class for that school all of my other work is on the weekend.

As some kind of divine punishment for my terminal laziness all of my free time is when the rest of the world is working, and vice versa. On top of that, I have to wake up ass early in the morning on Saturday and Sunday after a night of partying to go to work. My old definition of ass early was around 4am at which time I would wake up and thoroughly clean my every orifice before doing yoga and meditation. Now, I often don't go to bed until around that time on a Friday or Saturday night in preparation for my 8 o'clock wake up call. I hardly do yoga or meditation anymore and my mood and body both suffer heavily for it.

Anyway, When I get to work I sit in a little box and talk to (usually) interesting people about a variety of topics for a set period of time. It's all one on one, it's all pretty chill, the job is insanely easy, but it makes me feel somewhat like a prostitute. After their time is up I get my tickets and they leave.

So, that's a quick look into my current life... Stay tuned, I'll be writing more.

In fact for my fathers day present I am going to start writing much more often. Maybe not blogging everything, but I would like to start writing almost everyday. The only thing Dad has asked of me for a long time is to write. As the shitty son that I am I of course have not been writing, but maybe I can do a little more?

Well, in the words of some old dead guy...

     Indeed, indeed, Repentance oft before

   I swore---but was I sober when I swore?

   And then and then came Spring, and Rose-in-hand

   My thread-bare Penitence apieces tore.