My Third week with a Chinese Family.

One of my main goals with my Blog posts that I wrote for HHS was to introduce some of the difficult aspects of being an au pair while still giving it a positive feeling. This is the post where I get to be brutally honest. In the next post I will have to resolve the tensions further and make it more fluffy then I actually feel in order to convey the proper feeling. As you may well know, I have difficulty doing anything that seems to me to be dishonest, and you may ask yourself "how can he feel ok with that?". The answer is has two aspects. On the one hand I am becoming Jaded and less principled. After all at the time of writing this I had practicably no money, and more then half of that no money was my deposit at HHS... On the other hand I feel like although the au pair program is not for me it would be great for the right person. By being less then perfectly honest maybe I can help that person find what is right for them? There is a story in the Mahabharata of a man who after telling the truth to thieves is now roasting in hell. We "must be like the swan who can drink only the milk out of a bowl of milk and water". It is ridiculous of course to believe that swans can do this demonstrating that Indian people are just as silly as Chinese people...

Third Week:

Now, cultural shock has begun to permeate my entire life. I woke up in the morning and wondered why I didn’t move to Hawaii with 3 of my close friends. I was longing not just for the warmth and beauty. I was sad not just because I missed my friends. I was missing “home” not just because life in the United States is so easy, but also because I hate this place. I hate that everything is so dirty and loud. I have never been in such an unfriendly place. When I tried to ask for directions on the street yesterday people walked wide around me. It seems like the only time they are not staring at me is when I need help. I have been immersed in three languages that I could not speak well, or at all, before coming to China, and I have never had this experience. In my orientation I was told, “Your Chinese friends will be the nicest people you have ever met, but never expect anything from someone who you don’t know.”

Things with the family are also starting to be less pleasant. Bob and Sam often argue at dinner and the other day the mother yelled at Bob almost continually while kicking his things around the house all morning until I brought him out to the mall for his English lesson. I told my friend and she referred me to the book Tiger Mom. Of course not all families will be the same and I am told that the way children are treated will be different if they are boys or girls and also depending on their age. I recommend looking at it or at least reading a synopsis and asking the family about how they discipline their child. Discipline notwithstanding, Bob often acts like a spoiled brat. He is always trying to tell me what to do, and he no longer likes to study English. During class he covers his face, pretends to sleep, or doesn’t say anything at all. I told Sam, who told the mother, that I am not an English teacher and I am not going to try to teach him English if he refuses to learn. I was told not to play with him for the rest of the day and he spent all day doing his school homework. He has also stopped practicing yoga and kung fu with me. He thinks it is too hard. Since he can’t do what I can after 10 years of practice he won’t try. I told him to take it slow but he is too proud.

I also had my first personal experience of Chinese communication extremes with the family. In the second week I was told that the internet is only 4 hours a day and for more time we pay extra. I was told not to worry about it as long as I turn the computer off at night. Just the other day Sam got home and walked directly into my room and started yelling at me about the internet. I calmly reminded him of what I was told and after some “discussion” with me talking and him yelling I decided to take a walk. After 3 hours of walking I ended up at the university. I walked by a group of people hoping that they would notice me, they didn’t. I walked around for a while and decide to join the group. Immediately they started talking to me in English! I spent an hour talking until I got to cold and hungry. I got home just before midnight. The mother answered the door with a note from Sam saying she was sorry for Sam’s yelling at me. The next day I told my friend about it. She has not spoken to Sam since the fifth day of my stay. “He was yelling at you!?! In English!?! When I met him he could hardly say “hello”. Sam, like many young Chinese, know a lot of English; they just can’t speak very well. I have been amazed at how fast Sam’ English has improved. I wish my Chinese was improving so quickly.

This event marks roughly marks the end of my third week, and also a positive turning point in my stay. I was not upset about the internet of course. I would not even have been able to use the internet much if they had not bought a computer for my room. Even though they said it is for Sam he rarely uses it. I was only upset because if using the internet was a big deal why couldn’t they say that? Why did they have to wait until they got so frustrated that they had to yell at me about it? Maybe the yelling is a sign that I am now really part of the family.