The boroughs

Saturday morning I gathered my belongings and hopped on the train towards The Bronx. I had the great idea that I could hitch I-95 north into Connecticut. Well so much for that. I stood by a gas station for a few hours without any sign of hospitality. I would say that there was an air of complete ambivalence to my presence. A more intelligent individual may have given up and taken public transportation... but not me. There is something in the uncertainty of hitch hiking that I have always enjoyed. What was coming was an certainly unexpected and made for an unforgettable day. I got a good feeling from a man who drove into the gas station. Without thinking I grabbed my bags and headed over to his car. "Where you headed?" I asked. "Into the city, why, where you going?" He said. Anthony was his name and he offered to take me one exit north of the city so I could more easily catch a ride. Some how he managed to get lost immediately. We drove around for a spell looking for the interstate and upon finding it we where quickly off again. I'm thinking he's an idiot so I start directing him. Under my direction we were soon on I-95 north. I payed close attention to the road signs to make sure we ended up where we were going but the road was oddly marked. For many miles there where I-95 signs that did not indicate direction then the next thing I know I see I-95 south to New Jersey. That means we drove through the city the wrong direction and were coming out the ass end. Boy was I pissed. I had put $5 into his tank and payed a toll to go the wrong direction. He sincerely apologized and offered to take me back to the city or drop me off. He was going to a BBQ and was already going to be late for taking so long. I decided just to go back to Brooklyn. Anthony asked if I would mind rolling by his buddies house so he could show him a real hitch hiker. He had been in the city for his whole life and had never seen one. When I say his whole life I am not joking, he had only left NYC once, about a month ago, to meet a woman he met over the Internet. We ended up driving around Queens for hours. After maybe 30 minutes he mentioned that everybody we passed would think that I was either an undercover cop or buying drugs. Then we stopped to meet another friend to buy some smoking tobacco. I told him stories about the rest of the states and Thailand and he told me about queens. I said my goodbyes around sunset at a subway stop in northern queens. Somehow I spent the next four hours on the subway totally lost. I would get directions and then promptly forget them again and again. Eventually I met a man who made it his personal mission in life to make sure I knew how to get home. He told me and told me again, quizzed me and then corrected me. He gave up on me remembering the whole thing and so told me "When you get off cross over and then remember west fourth" from there I would be close and could get more direction. He told me one more time when I got off and a girl that I had talked to earlier was also doing the same route so she told me to follow her. She was cute, I was lost. What could be better? When we got on the next train 5 totally thugy looking characters jumped up and and rearranged themselves so that I could put my bags down and sit down next to my new friend. I thanked them and asked where 4 west was. They got a kick out of that. They spoke in a slang that I could understand but can not remember or replicate. One said he was going to start calling the exit 4 west... I did not see the humor in it myself but could appreciate their friendliness. I made small talk to demonstrate my liking towards them and hopped of at my exit. I don't remember the rest of the trip home well. There was allot of going back and forth on the same train because I spaced out and miss my exit more then twice.

I woke up Sunday morning with a sense of vigor and renewed excitement. I ate some leftovers and did some dishes before going out. Jason recommended that I explore in and around Union Square park. Walking around the park was so intriguing. I wanted to sit and write about the passerbyers. I had met so many interesting people and heard their stories. I wondered who these people where and what there lives were like but at that moment I thought it would be really fun to make up stories about them. I thought about it for a while before going to the grass to do some stretching. I had been noticing my body tensing in allot of places that where not normal to me. I try to always pay attention to my body, breath and mind but when I stretch or sit still it is much easier to notice the little details. The body and the mind are connected of course so I was really interested in these new tensions. What did they mean? There in Union Square with a hundred people within eyesight I sat down and became still and noticed how afraid I was. Fear has never been one of the predominate emotions of my life. I was very surprised that it was such a powerful factor yet subtle and laying under the surface of my everyday mind. After stretching for a while some of the fear had gone. I thought it would be a good idea to meditate on the fear. Some of my other emotions, such as anger, I have spent allot of time studying. I can watch most levels of anger arise and fall within myself and others without disturbing my awareness, and for the most part I can control my anger. I act angry when it is useful and let it pass with out acting when it is not useful. I closed my eyes and became still, watched my fear, and then opened my eyes and got up. I was not ready for that. I took a walk south on Broadway and turned to find a very fancy looking yoga studio. Ishta Yoga had a very nice look to it and I talked with the guy at the counter for an hour or so about all manner of things yogic. You could have called it yoga small talk. He was well studied and had what seemed to be a well formed attitude towards tradition and practice. Next I took a walk to East West Books. There were a couple who were evidently just married out side taking a picture with the angel that was hired by the bookstore to hand out lemonade. It was more then a little strange. I went inside to the sound of Krishna Das and smiling faces. It felt so homey and good but at the same time it was almost to good. I walked in and immediately someone asked me if I was one of the yoga teachers. I talked to him for a minute or so but he was on the way to the bathroom. I asked for a cup of water at the cafe and was surprised with the closed off attitude of the man working there. My first response, which I didn't act on, was disgust. Then I realized that he is probably a local that is probably fairly cool and is either new to yoga or doesn't practice. On top of that he is probably not being paid to well considering the high prices and extravagant lifestyles of New York. Then, to make matters worse I am guessing that most of his customers are tourists and rich people. After I imagined all of the delusions he may have running around in his head I smiled at him and thanked him. I worked in customer service only a year ago so I can easily relate to those particular delusions. Then the man I had been talking to found me and offered me his business card. Everything was just a little to perfect for me at the time and I had to go. I practically ran out the door, still feeling joyful and light. I was starting to understand the subtlety and permanence of fear.
I went home to cook dinner for Broke and Domer. I was very happy to see Domer outside of the party and get to know him a little better. After dinner we watched The Life Aquatic. It was a great movie. Then I went to sleep which is what I am going to do right now.